Posted Sept. 28, 2022, 7:16 p.m. by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) (Jennifer Ward)
Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: A Secret is a Prison
(snip)
Rand let go of one hand and wiped his face silently and then took his hand again. She took several more deep breaths. “When you hear their expectations in your head, the lessons and endless pointless rules, you stop listening. You tell yourself to do the opposite or what you would tell me or Jay or Randy to do. You realize and believe whole heartedly that you are safe, accepted, and wanted as you are right here in this place. Then…then you do the scariest thing in the entire galaxy. You feel for however long and violently it takes. You aren’t alone. Then when it’s over…you sleep or try to, and are just quiet for awhile.” Her voice held a strong tone of memory and emotion to it.
Rand
It wasn’t just their lessons and pointless rules but the judgements and expectations they placed on other people. The things they’d say about people on the news, or in the store. Because if a stranger was less-than for doing or needing something, then the same would surely apply to family? The mention of Jay’s name made him blink, hard, trying to get the image of his nightmare out of his head.
He looked at her as if she’d asked him to do the impossible. By the tone of her voice though she wasn’t just giving advice worthy of one of Randy’s sessions but reciting something she had once needed to do. He just wasn’t sure he could do that, so he nodded absently and then rested his head on her again, tired but still not wanting to sleep.
~ Roman
Rand held him quietly for a long time. Neither of them were going to go to sleep, but she just felt certain that if she suggested they get up and do something, it would only make things exponentially worse. She sat in silence with him for a long time, counting their breaths and holding onto him.
Roman lay quietly on her, wishing he could sleep. Or that he could get up and go to work or do something else. But he got the feeling Rand would be upset if he tried to distract himself with something else. He let out a long sigh and stayed right there, laying on her, his hands in hers. A quick peek at the clock said it was only 0300. A long time before his shift.
Finally… “And if you aren’t ready for that…if it’s too big to even think about right now, we could start by making sure you don’t have to be afraid to sleep.”
Rand
The idea of meds still put him off, because of his fear of sickbay (and anything ‘to do with’ sickbay) so he squeezed her hands and looked up at her, “Can I think about it?”
~ Roman
She smiled, not happy but understanding. “Roman I’m not going to make you do anything. Just…really think about it, please? Not just say that so we can stop talking, and then you ignore it. Please? Really think about what we can do and what you are willing to try.” He couldn’t go on like this. Last year was bad…this year was as bad and if it got worse…Rand didn’t want to think about the consequences. She didn’t say anything else, but continued ot squeeze his hand and breathe.
Rand
© 1991-2024 STF. Terms of Service
Version 1.15.11
RSS Feed