Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Paying for Our Sins

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Paying for Our Sins

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Paying for Our Sins
Posted by… suppressed (26) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Rand let him have her hand but he was twisted around to reach, so she moved toward his side. She used her other hand to rest around him and help him lean back a little. That way he could rest but sit up enough to drink. Not knowing what else to do she started squeezing his hand again. She hoped Roman would just eat the orange so Randy would stop threatening him. Of course, Rand could tell it wasn’t an empty threat. Randy was quite serious which meant Roman needed it. He wasn’t eating enough and now that Randy had taken scans, it was obvious how much Roman was not eating. Rand didn’t say anything. She had promised not to nag, and apparently she couldn’t help herself because she kept doing it.

Roman noticed Rand’s refusal to say anything. Either it wasn’t that serious, or she was angry, or she’d grown tired of his issues and just didn’t care anymore. His nervousness made him combative. Unwilling to take his right hand away from his chest, he let go of her hand and used his left to pick up and drink the water, still ignoring the orange slices.

She wasn’t mad at him and she wasn’t tired of his issues. Quite the opposite, actually. He was mad at her. She didn’t know what to do or say to make it better, so she stayed quiet for fear of making the whole situation worse. Rand knew she could have not told him about the medicine. The morning had been so…wonderful, but she had hated the way Roman and Randy had hid things from her, so she wasn’t going to do that to Roman. She’d messed up and ruined everything. She didn’t know what else she should have done, but she’d messed everything up.

Roman eventually gave up and attempted one of the orange slices. He was angry about the hypo but it wasn’t… He didn’t want it to be like this. He just wanted to be done with it.

Once the water was gone and orange slices attempted, Randy let him get up. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but Roman’s heart rate had levelled out. Randy was worried about his blood pressure as he stood so kept the tricorder on. Roman could rest better in his quarters. “If you feel like you might fall, you grab me not her.” Rand looked like she might fall over too. Randy was going to give her and her concussion a good once over once Roman was settled.

As Roman’s heart rate had levelled, the aching in his chest had calmed. It still felt tight and achy but not like before. He stood from the chair and took a few steps… And that was when the dizziness hit. His blood pressure dropped, that was the cause of it, and the result? Roman reached out for Rand by reflex, then Randy saying “grab me, not her” registered, so he turned and slapped a hand onto his desk anyway, narrowly avoiding a fall to the floor.

“Roman!” Her voice rushed out. He couldn’t mistake the love and fear for him in her voice. Rand grabbed him when he reached for her; she didn’t care what Randy said. She wrapped her arms around his waist holding him tightly as she leaned against the desk for extra support. “Faodaidh tu grèim a chumail orm. Chan eil dragh agam dè tha Randy ag ràdh.” She whispered as she looked up into his face.

Randy was only worried that if Rand couldn’t hold Roman’s weight she’d fall and maybe hit her head again. He had reached out as well as Roman began to fall. He kept a hand on his shoulder for the extra support. His sister’s words made him grin. That was more like it. Randy wondered if they were fighting. Was that why they were acting so tense?

Hands reached for him from what felt like all directions. In the end, Rand was up against him, her arms around his waist, and Randy’s hand on his shoulder. He still seemed like he felt dizzy, not focusing his eyes on anything specific. It took him a moment to translate what Rand was saying to him, and then he smiled and nodded, putting an arm around her to support himself.

They went at Roman’s pace to the lift and up to deck 3, Randy making sure that pace was slow.

Rand

Roman was trying to push himself with the pace, but Randy kept it slow. It helped Randy control the pace that Roman seemed to need his help. When they reached his quarters, he plopped onto the bed.

~ Roman

Randy helped him sit and then looked at Rand. “How about a wet cloth and then clean clothes for him.” Rand nodded silently and hurried to get what Randy asked for. When she did Randy looked at her and pointed at the bathroom. “Go, shower, change, whatever. Then you and I are having a long conversation about defying doctor’s orders.” He gave Roman the cloth and the clothes. “Would you like help? Or should I go get her food?”

Rand

“I’ll be fine. She needs food.” Roman set the cloth on the table and grabbed the clothes. He didn’t want to get dizzy and fall again, but he also didn’t want Randy to think he needed help so he gave Randy a look, “Shoo, so I can change.”

~ Roman

Randy nodded, knowing he really didn’t need to tell Roman to be careful, but his look told Roman anyway. “I’ll be back.”

Roman stood slowly, one hand on the table, and then had to very carefully start changing.

A few minutes after Randy left Rand appeared from the bathroom, wrapped in her robe. Her hair was damp, hanging loosely, not yet brushed or braided. Her brush was still on Roman’s table, like it had been since she’d been hurt. She moved over to the counter and began making tea, anything to keep her hands busy rather than wringing them nervously. She glanced at him several times, the tension (of her own making) made her shoulders feel like they would snap.

Rand

He wasn’t fully changed by the time Rand was out of the bathroom. It had taken him long enough to undress, he was still stepping into the pants when she came out. Then he slipped the shirt on. He grabbed the hair brush off the table and headed over by her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Want me to brush your hair today?” His voice was soft, caring. He wanted to do her hair for her. He liked doing it for her.

~ Roman

Roman’s hand rested on her shoulder and for a quarter of a second she held still before some of the tension left her, and she leaned back against him. She shouldn’t, he was struggling, he’d needed Randy’s help all the way up from deck 9, but she leaned into him anyway. She couldn’t help herself. He needed to sit, and she opened her mouth to say so, but his voice stopped her. Rand turned to look up at him, surprised and hopeful. The tea forgotten, her hand rested instinctually over his heart.

Roman had to lean on the counter next to him when she leaned into him. Still, he put his arms around her, hands on her back, one still holding the hair brush, and smiled down at her. His heart was pounding painfully, but he was ignoring it. Making her happy was more important to him.

She did, very much want him to brush her hair. Was he asking because he felt obligated or because he wanted to? Was she supposed to say yes, or tell him no and relieve him of burden he didn’t want? She hated the anxiety and indecision that raced through her. He was holding her brush but hadn’t offered it to her? Did that mean something?

It felt like forever as the thoughts raced through her head, reflected in her eyes and her expression, rather than hidden. In reality her response was immediate. She nodded her head. She tried to say yes, but her head felt slightly fuzzy and she couldn’t get the word out. Instead it came out in Gaelic. “Tha.” She didn’t move; she didn’t want to. She wanted words, words that would fix this, but she didn’t have them. She didn’t know where to find them. Then suddenly remembering he really shouldn’t be standing, she moved over to the bed and sat down.

Rand

Roman moved with her, using her as a support as they headed back to the bed. Then he sat behind her, slowly and carefully working the brush through her hair, bottom to top, stopping occasionally to run his fingers through it, because he knew she liked when he did that.

~ Roman

Rand did like it. These moments were always quietly intimate in a way that comforting and reassuring. The first time Roman had brushed her hair had been in sickbay. Randy had washed her hair with some kind of dry shampoo and her hair had fizzed and poofed out everywhere. Roman’s attempt had been slightly successful considering she’d had to lay down, unable to really sit up. The next time her hair had been more like a nest. It had taken Roman around an hour to brush it all out. He had sat on her biobed and had her lay her head on his shoulder. She hadn’t been able to sit up on her own and with the burns on her hands and arms she never would have been able to hold the brush well. Despite how gentle Roman had been, each stroke of the brush had sent pain and dizziness from her head straight to her stomach. He had been patient and taken his time. Rand thought she might have even fallen asleep against him at one point. Roman had been doing this ever since.

It made her feel better, calmed the nerves and sorted out some of the confusion knowing he was the one making sure she wasn’t alone. Rand was quiet while he worked, though that wasn’t unusual. This had always been a mostly quiet activity for them. Unlike earlier though, this silence was familiar and lacked the tension and awkwardness that had been present. She enjoyed the gentle rhythmic tug of the brush on her hair, and then the warm chill that would race down her spine each time he combed his fingers through the strands. But when he started working near where she hit her head she had to fight not to flinch. Roman was careful as ever, but her head hurt more than normal. A sudden wave of dizziness caught her by surprise leaving her feeling woozy and she inhaled sharply.

Rand

Roman ran the brush gently and carefully through her hair. He knew her head was still sore at times, so he was still very gentle. He’d had experience before doing girl’s hair.

Lucy, his only younger sibling, had gone through a phase when she was seven or eight (and Roman would have been eight or nine, then), that she didn’t like doing her own hair. She’d throw a child’s tantrum every morning. So Roman had offered to do it for her. He’d ended up doing her hair every day for nearly a year, and then occasionally after that until Lucy was fourteen or so. It was one of few good memories of his family.

Randy had done Rand’s hair for more years than she could remember. Usually it went along with the phrase, “Girl you are not going out like that. Let me fix it. I will make you fabulous.” It always made Rand laugh. Though how Randy came up with so many occasions to fix her hair, still baffled Rand. It wasn’t like she went out and did much.

When she inhaled sharply and seemed to flinch he stopped and set a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay? Do you need ice or…?”

~ Roman

Her shoulder rose and fell under his hand as she breathed. Nothing was okay, and it made her ache. Rand shook her head ‘no’ but it made her head pound a little and made her more dizzy from moving her head too fast. She reached across herself and laced her fingers through his and then suddenly she tipped her head and kissed the back of his hand. “Dìreach dizzy, gu h-obann.” She twisted at the waist to turn and look at him. Was he okay? Should he be doing this? Shouldn’t he be lying down? Where was Randy to tell him that? Did she need ice? Why would she need ice? Did he need something? She blinked as she tried to clear the sudden confusion. Oh..ice..for her head…maybe. “‘S dòcha ann am beagan. A bheil…feum agad…rud sam bith?”

Rand

Roman was definitely supposed to be lying down. He was just ignoring medical orders, as usual. He felt dizzy and unwell, and his chest still ached, but not as bad as before so in Roman-Logic-Land that meant he’d be fine. He hugged her to him when she said she was dizzy. She asked if he needed anything and he shook his head. “I’m alright.” He let her go and then ran his fingers through her hair again. “Want me to finish? I’m almost done.”

~ Roman

She hugged him back, trying not to rest on him too much. He said he was alright, but didn’t sound it. Then she was wishing he hadn’t let her go, but he was finger combing her hair again. “Tha.” He’d already started again, so she let him finish. Maybe then he would lay down and rest. When he was finished, she got up after hugging him, then muttered something about tea.

Roman brushed her hair gently for several more minutes, dragging out finishing it. When he was done, he set the hair brush back on the side table and hugged her. He let her go to make the tea. He was going to ask her if she wanted help, but she liked making the tea.

While she was standing at the counter the door opened to Randy carrying a tray with two meals and wearing a scowl that made him look like an avenging god-child. He looked at Roman and barked in a way that would make the meanest drill-seargents proud, “Roman, lay down.” He looked at Rand and she backed up half a step. He set the tray down, “Miranda Arabella Blair Elizabeth Scarlett Farquharson,” his voice went quiet as he reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, turned her toward the bed and pushed/led/guided her. “You lay down to. I don’t know what you were thinking, but I have half a mind to take you off duty.” Glancing at the counter and where Rand was mixing herbal and black tea and dropping it into the water rather than in an infuser he changed his mind. “A full mind to do it.”

Rand

Then Randy came back, wearing a scowl unlike Roman thought he’d ever seen. Roman blinked when Randy ordered him to lay down. Then he looked when Randy mentioned taking Rand off duty again. Rand hated being off duty. “Randy, no… Take her off duty? Why?”

~ Roman

“Why? Why? You ask why. Let me tell you. She’s been in the cargo bays helping move cargo, she’s been working in the laundry running around helping deliver packages. She dropped what she was carrying when she fell and Helpful heard it and sent her to Gorshin to eat. Karnik saw her helping run materials all over the ship and drop them when she got dizzy. Eventually she went to the galley and Gorshin made her sit down because she was talking in Gaelic…only in Gaelic. He tried to make her eat, but she left. It was about the time we usually would meet her so he thought she went with us. She showed up again a couple hours later and worked from her PaDD the whole 3 hours. Apparently she even made an appearance on the bridge too. And for some reason or another she decided to go down to the shuttle bay and help them. They thought she was just bored so they let her help until she disappeared. They figured she got paged and didn’t think anything of it.” Randy turned his gaze on her again, crossed his arms and glared at her. Rand wouldn’t look at him at all.

Rand

Roman looked between them, Rand and Randy, and then stood and hugged Rand, leaning on her a little bit. “Miranda, what were you thinking?” He had to take a few breaths, “What if you hit your head again? What would I do?” He paused a moment, hiding that he was needing to breathe again. He’d noticed she was speaking in Gaelic more, but she had been nervous, so he assumed that was why. “You need to rest.”

~ Roman

Rand didn’t say anything. What was she supposed to do? He was angry with her and wouldn’t talk to her all day, didn’t want to be around her. He didn’t even show up for her time with Nibbles, and experiment of his that she was just helping with. She knew it wasn’t because he was busy. When he was busy, he told her he wouldn’t be there and made sure to tell Franks to watch her. He didn’t do that today. He was just staying away from her because he was mad.

She just needed something to do, rather than sit like a pretty piece of furniture. She didn’t have her scripts anymore, she couldn’t read a book or watch a movie because all her ‘screen’ time had to be given to work. She was just to sit in this room, alone, and stare at the wall. She couldn’t tell Randy. Not only did she not want him involved he was busy. He had his own work. All she had was her work.

So what if she went around the ship? It was her down time if she wanted to volunteer it she could. When Roman said she needed to rest she stepped back enough to glare up at him and roll her eyes. The glare didn’t last though, and she looked away. Yes she knew she wasn’t supposed to be doing those things, but who really cared, anyway? Wasn’t that what he was supposed to be doing right now? Resting? Was he supposed to be doing 3 hour workouts till his heart gave out? No he wasn’t. She cared, but that didn’t seem to matter anyway. Do as they say and not as they do.

Roman had to lean on something else when Rand stepped away from him. When she glared him and rolled her eyes it felt like his heart was splitting in two, and not just because he was overworking it. What was she so upset about? Had he done something?

Roman hadn’t done anything. She just wished he would do what he told her to do. How could he stand there and tell her to rest when he wouldn’t. Why wouldn’t he just sit down? She slipped an arm back around him when he reached for something for support. Randy watched on in utter frustration.

Randy leaned a hip against the half wall in the room. “Rand?” When she opened her mouth Randy interrupted her, “In English.” She couldn’t, they both knew it. Well she could but it would be hard. She didn’t want to talk to him anyway. She went to step around Roman. They wanted her to rest…well she’d just go to bed. Randy’s hand snaked out and stopped her. “You need to eat.”

The words were really quiet, but she was sick of this double standard. “Him first.”

Rand

Roman looked between Rand and Randy and then started shaking his head. “I… I can’t. I’ll feel sick if I do.” He was leaning on the footboard of the bed. He already felt nauseous, it was because of his heart. But it didn’t help his appetite. He looked back to Rand almost pleadingly, “Just eat a little. Okay?”

~ Roman

She glanced up at Roman and just nodded - okay. Don’t nag, don’t nag, don’t nag. She repeated it over and over in her head. Without looking at either of them she turned for the table. Really she almost spun and it made her dizzy. Randy still had a hand on her and tried to steady her.

She sat at the table and stared at it a moment. She began to eat. Her own head hurt enough that she felt sick. Food didn’t help, but for the moment it wasn’t hurting. She sat there, her hands twisting the belt or pocket of her robe, her shoulders slumped. She didn’t talk. Her head hurt, her heart hurt, and just trying to figure out what she was supposed to do made her panic, so she did what they wanted, just to keep the anxiety at bay.

She ate all of it, except the little bit she shared with Pipkin.

Rand

Roman was relieved to see her eat so much. While she was eating he sat at the table next to her, leaning back in his chair trying to keep the pressure and strain off his chest. Like when he’d been shot, it was like he could hear her voice, telling him he needed to rest, to be more careful. But still she was silent, quietly eating her food. When he’d called it ‘nagging’ never had he thought he’d miss it so much.

~ Roman

Randy told him twice to go lay down and was ignored. That was not new. What was new was Rand not even trying to make Roman behave. They didn’t talk, they didn’t hold hands, Roman didn’t kiss her at all. Well that one was a relief to Randy, but it was odd. They barely looked at each other. Was it because he was there?

When Rand finished, Randy asked her again. “Rand, what’s going on? It is not like you to defy a direct order. Not even a medical one. Twist it a d turn it about to get your way but not defy. You could really hurt yourself. You need to tell us what’s going on.” She was silent, carefully feeding Pipkin pieces of carrots. Randy sighed. “If you don’t want to say in front of me, I can leave.” That hurt but he would respect it. Still she was silent. The more he pressed the more she twisted her robe and picked at it. This wasn’t anger or defiance or annoyance. Rand was really upset, otherwise she would be mouthing off to him.

Rand

Roman was watching her. She wouldn’t respond to Randy. She only twisted her robe. He was focusing on breathing. If Randy wasn’t the problem… “Does it have to do with me? Did I do something?” He asked, almost afraid of the answer. All day he had been avoiding dealing with what happened the night before. And avoiding emotions he didn’t like. The stuff… She’d given it without his permission, and for that he was upset but it had also helped, and that made it difficult to be really angry about it.

~ Roman

Randy looked at Roman, “Will you please go recline on your bed, or are you trying to see if I can physically lift and carry you there?”

Rand glanced at Randy at his outburst and then at Roman. He was breathing too hard and hunched forward again rather than leaning back. He needed to lie down. Why wouldn’t he? She didn’t understand, she couldn’t make sense of it. He put her on his medical forms. Gave her permission to make decisions for him when he couldn’t or wouldn’t. He never said yes or no and she needed to do something. If he didn’t trust her or want her to make those decisions why did he say she should. Why was it okay sometimes but not other times. Every decision she’d made was one that Roman would have done the opposite. Even though she had made the best and smartest choice for him each time. Why was this time wrong? When was it okay and when was it not?

No Roman wasn’t the problem, she was. She shook her head ‘no’ so fast and hard she swayed some in her seat.

Rand

Roman glanced at Randy after his outburst too. Honestly, the way he felt now he was going to need help or he might end up sprawled on the floor. If he stood, he’d get dizzy again. Not wanting to admit he needed help, “That would be a sight.” He made an effort to try and lean back in his chair. It didn’t lean like the chair in his office, so he was at best, sitting up rather than hunched over.

Randy just raised a brow as if accepting the challenge. This was ridiculous. He got up from the table. It had not gone past his notice that Roman didn’t touch anything on his own plate, but rather just stared at Rand while she stuffed her face. He scooped Pipkin up off the floor and deposited her in Roman’s lap. That made Pipkin quite happy and she stretched up, her nose twitching, for attention. Rand smiled just a little. That was one thing she had done right.

Roman started to pet Pipkin. No one could say no to her “pet me” face. He’d thought Randy might actually try to lift him, but apparently he’d been right in assuming he wouldn’t. He took a few bites off his plate, not wanting to be rude by wasting so much.

Randy fully intended on picking him up as soon as he had Rand squared away. One thing at a time.

He’d appointed Rand his medical contact because he did trust her, he trusted her to do what needed to be done, preferably in a way he’d at least be okay with or be able to understand. Keeping him under in sickbay for his heart? He didn’t like it, but he knew why she did it and it was probably for the better, not that he’d admit that out loud. But this? He was able to make his own decision about it. He hadn’t said explicitly no, but he hadn’t thought she’d really just give it to him either. On the other hand, on the long list of things he didn’t want to admit, she was probably right to do it, at least medically. He’d slept restfully, even well, after she gave it to him. It was a confusing situation to him and thinking about it drove him a little crazy. When she shook her head, he took her hand and looked at her. “Rand. We both want to help. But I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.” He looked concerned, not angry or upset. Just concerned and tired.

~ Roman

He couldn’t help. This was his fault. And refusing to speak wasn’t making things better. Probably came off as childish, but Randy and Roman were right. All that extra work and exertion had been very bad. She had in fact bumped her head that day. Not where she had hit it before and not when she’d fallen. It was more like she had gotten tired and she’d dozed off and her head slumped and bumped the wall. She didn’t know if that counted. It was hard enough to startled her awake. She felt confused. She knew what was going on and why Roman was mad at her, but there was just this general feeling of disorientation that made it hard to think. “Troim… troimh-chèile.”

Randy grabbed his tricorder and despite her batting his hands away Rand the wand around her head. “Bed. Now.” He helped her up and when she tried to go make tea he gripped her arms and turned her. “You mixed three different teas and dumped them into the kettle loose. You aren’t making tea.”

Rand

Predictably, at least to Roman, eating even a few bites had upset his stomach. He stood and immediately had to hang on to the back of his chair to keep from falling. It was only a few steps and then he set a hand on the bedside table top help steady himself. He took a seat on the side of the bed and reached into the drawer for Rand’s hypo.... And it wasn’t there.

Randy watched as Roman moved to the bed. Of course he would move as soon as Randy was distracted by his sister. He left Rand alone to deal with her robe or not and went to grab his tricorder.

He opened the drawer further and peeked in. He looked on, around, and under the table. Then he slipped down to the floor and peeked under the bed. How he’d get up was a mystery but this was important. It wasn’t there, either. It wasn’t anywhere. “What happened to your meds?” He asked, still sitting on the floor next to the bed, looking up at her.

~ Roman

He noticed Roman on the floor. “Roman!” He hurried back over and knelt down next to him. Rand spun around on the bed at Randy’s exclamation and started to get up before Roman’s voice stopped her.

Roman tried to wave him off. “I’m alright. I didn’t fall.”

Randy looked at him then at Rand and back. “Her meds are missing?”

“Rand?”

She settled back onto the bed and made a short show of getting settled. She was fidgeting and trying to hide it. “Gluais e, a’ cur dragh ort.” She shrugged staring at her hands.

Randy held up a hand to stop Roman from commenting. He put both arms under Roman’s arms and around and then very carefully lifted him to stand then to sit on the bed. Then he waved toward Rand in a ‘go ahead’ motion.

Rand

Roman was about to ignore Randy and say, Moved it where? But then Randy slipped his arms under Roman’s and around his upper body and started to lift. “Randy, I’m fine.” Then he was standing - well, sort of, he was more leaning on Randy as the motion of standing made him really, really lightheaded and dizzy and he couldn’t quite make out which way was up, and then he was sat on the bed and was quiet a moment while he waited for the dizziness to stop.

~ Roman

Rand watched and held her breath until Roman was sitting on the bed. He said he was fine and he wasn’t. Still she didn’t say anything. Randy looked at her. “For gods’ sakes Rand, say something about how stubborn or dumb he’s being. He’s going to think you don’t care anymore.”

Roman glanced at Randy, as if surprised he’d said that. He’d have twisted around to look at Rand, too, but he was hunched forward again, trying to make himself breathe regularly so he didn’t look as bad as he was, and he didn’t want to twist his body, it would make breathing harder.

Rand looked up sharply at Randy looking hurt and genuinely confused by his statement. Then she looked at Roman but could only see his back. She spoke very carefully, but the worry was clear. “Ròmanach, luidh sìos. Chan eil thu gu math.” She slid over and put a hand on his back, not sure she believed Randy but she wouldn’t risk Roman thinking she didn’t care.

Rand

Finally she said something, carefully spoken as if saying it made her nervous, but also worried, and he turned and looked at her, a caring and relieved look as he took her other hand and then lifted his legs over the side and started to slowly lay back, squeezing her hand gently.

~ Roman

Rand squeezed his hand and looked really shy. She wasn’t sure either man would let her help him, afraid she might hurt herself holding his weight. Besides she wasn’t dizzy, but any fast movement was making her head swim. That was why she kept disappearing all day. She knew she was pushing her limit, she didn’t want anyone to figure it out, so she would go find something else to do for awhile.

Pipkin had not been happy about having to get down, so as soon as Roman was reclined she hopped the small stool and settled down on his chest. She was still small, only a couple pounds, and felt like Roman pressing his hand to his chest. Her weight was comforting and helpful rather than painful. Rand muttered something about tea and Randy sighed in exasperation. “Stay put.” He made his way over to the counter, but refrained from commenting on the mess she made.

Roman still had her hand. She didn’t want to let go, so she had to twist and reach a bit awkwardly to grab her pillow and prop it against the head board. Then she leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes against the lightheadedness she’d been fighting with all day. It felt really good to stop and close her eyes and rest.

Rand