STF

Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted Feb. 25, 2024, 9:17 p.m. by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) (Lindsay B)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“Call me Rand, please.” The young woman was not at all surprised by any of it. She sat up a little straighter. “I have no illusions about the severity of the situation, Lt. Hart. I know this is where he is. He’s been fighting this a long time. I know you can’t tell me, but for the record he added me to all his HIPPA paperwork last year. But he won’t trust you, and I know why. I can talk to you, even if you can’t tell me anything yet.”

Yeoman Rand

She nodded slowly. “There’s lots I don’t know, and the problem is that we’re working on a finite timeline here. There’s only so long we can keep him off duty before we’ll be forced to take more permanent action, but we also can’t rush this process and we can’t release him until we know for certain he doesn’t pose a risk for himself.” Leah didn’t fully buy that Roman would never trust* her, but it was the time factor that was working against her. But the way Rand phrased things definitely caught her attention. She would get to that shortly.

“You say you are worried, which you should be under the circumstances. But which worries are the strongest right now?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“That he doesn’t want to put in the work. Even if he is willing to put in the work if the crew were to find out… He would be to ashamed to stay. He lives for Star Fleet. It’s his only purpose in life. Roman is not an emotionally intelligent person. Questions that are easy for us to understand elude him and he honestly doesn’t know how to answer. You say you are on a tight time line, but he has to learn things he was never taught, and find a way forward. It’s a long journey to make in so short a time.”

Yeoman Rand

“You’re right, it is a long journey and those are all realistic fears.” Leah’s expression softened. “But if you set those fears aside, what do you know is true about this situation, about Roman himself? Things maybe he doesn’t yet know”

~Leah Hart, NP

Rand spoke without hesitation. “That Jay’s death is not his fault, and it’s okay for him to keep living. He is not a consolation prize.”

Yeoman Rand

Leah knew who Jay was, and she knew Roman’s file, but details on a page did not give context. There was no way for her to know the background details of someone’s life unless they told her. This was the messy process she was working on with Roman and Rand’s words were more than just insight. It was a catalyst. She certainly wasn’t going to turn this info away, nor would she tell Roman that Rand told her. The PTSD had been the direction she wanted to move with him, but he spooked easily and lashed out. She was hunting for different ways in and here was one dropped in her lap. She’d have to be exceptionally careful though. “Say more,” Leah said.

~Leah Hart, NP

Rand looked at her and recognized caution. “What do you want to know. I will tell you.” Roman wouldn’t forgive her, but that was okay. She’d live with it, as long as he lived.

“Whatever you feel comfortable with and is necessary to share.” Insight from loved ones was often extremely useful. Leah wasn’t going to waste this opportunity, but she also wanted to make sure that no matter what was said, she was simply taking the information as from Rand’s lens. It was her interpretation of aspects of Roman and this was simply allowing Leah to form a more full picture of the man and his life.

“Roman and Jay met when they were 5. They went through school together, entered the Academy together. Jay’s father is the reason Roman entered Star Fleet. They learned and competed in jiu jitsu together. When Roman’s family disowned him, it was the Calianos who took him in, gave him a home, and raised him, loved him.”

“Roman’s ancestry goes back to British nobility, and his family has an over inflated sense of their worth. They raised him to believe he is better and entitled, but he isn’t that way. He was raised by nannies. When he didn’t fall in line with their desires, his family disowned him. Their behavior toward him was abusive.”

She had wondered if there was something along the lines amongst all this. The withdrawn, almost fear-based reactions struck Leah as being deeply rooted.

“They hadn’t talked to him until…” Rand sighed, “until his brother and his family were murdered, assassinated. They demanded he come home and fulfill his obligations to the Alden line. He is the only living male heir. They had ‘no choice bit to let him return, now’.”

“The Calianos write him regularly. In fact they were the ones that told him about his brother, not his family. They miss him, they want to see him. Roman feels he can’t replace Jay. They don’t want him too. They just want their other son back. Roman may not be the Calianos’ blood, but he is their son.” She looked past Hart for a moment. “Then the group that went after his brother snuck onto the Sentinel and went after Roman and then me. He was stuck in sickbay when they bombed my office. He blames himself because I got hurt.”

Yeoman Rand

Leah nodded. “Thank you for your insights. As with Roman, whatever we share is confidential. I don’t know how any of this will help me yet, but if it does I’m grateful to have some more context.” She gave Rand a rueful smile. “His pain is deep. Anyone can see that. And this process of a psyc hold is difficult for everyone. We always do our best to maintain as much dignity for a person while also protecting them from themselves. It’s a contradiction that we can’t avoid. But as soon as it seems right, my goal is always to bring things back into the mix that can help them feel connected to their life.” Leah leaned forward, her gaze deep. “I’m not going to lie, Rand. I’m worried that if he were to go right back to living with you that we would have a tragedy on our hands. It’s not about you or what you can and can’t do for him. He needs more help than you can offer and I know that’s why you talked to Doctor Kreed. I want you to know that you have given him a precious gift he doesn’t yet realize and that is a fighting chance at life. I want you to remember that in the coming days when the hard moments come, okay?”

Rand nodded, “I know I can’t. I’ve tried to help him. Sometimes he will talk to me. I was able to get him to talk to Randy.” She smiled but it was sad. “Randy is my brother. He was stationed here for awhile. He was the only therapist we had on board. Roman talked to him. They made slow progress. He would even talk to Randy on his own sometimes. It isn’t easy for Roman to talk about personal things. It’s taboo for him. I imagine it wasn’t easy to talk about such personal things to my brother. Randy never told me anything. Roman did sometimes.” Rand looked at her. “Lt Hart, your job is even harder. Roman doesn’t feel he is worth helping. That’s clear.” She paused. She would not have a panic attack no matter how scared she was. “I am not casting judgement, but I feel you should know how he felt after you spoke over comms.” She played with the hem of her uniform a moment. “He didn’t want to call you back that night. I convinced him because I know therapy doesn’t work unless he puts in effort. I didn’t tell him what to say, but he agreed to call you back, but asked me to stay with him. He did call, you remember. He couldn’t find a way to say what he was feeling. He doesn’t know how, but he did say he needed to talk. So we played his music for you. I understand it’s a strange way to communicate and you don’t know him yet. You told him you appreciated the call and asked him to write down how he felt when he played and then hung up.” Rand looked at her, “Please don’t be offended, but he felt like you didn’t care. He asked to talk, but that didn’t happen. He said he felt like he was already a lost cause. Not worth the effort. I know his perception of the encounter is shadowed by his depression, and that you were not dismissing him. You can’t help him, though, if you don’t know things. But this is why I say he doesn’t trust you. He should.”

“Believe it or not, his music was not a strange way to communicate at all. In fact, it spoke volumes and has helped me a great deal. His pain was very clear to me. But there was nothing I could do or say in that moment to make it better.” Leah sighed. “The difficulty in how I was brought into all of this is that I am working out which approaches will work with him and which won’t. Just so you know, my asking him to write down his feelings that came up wasn’t about ignoring his inability to describe how he was feelings, but to establish a baseline for the vocabulary he does have. I actually have suspicions about that, but I need more time with him to know. But thank you for telling me all this. It is important that I know”

“I know that, but I thought you should know how he interpreted that interaction.” Rand sighed, “I don’t think he wrote anything down, but I didn’t check or push. He has to do it. He hasn’t played since then either.”

“Now, the concern I have is that as you said, Starfleet is the reason he exists. To an extent having a singular focus can be wonderful for us at different times in our lives. It gives us direction when we might otherwise wander. But when we tie our identity to something so fully, it can become an unhealthy obsession and anyone who gets in the way can become collateral damage, whether that person realizes or not. And I’m trying to understand an aspect of all of this, so I have one more question before I get to the reason I wanted to see you. Can you tell me how you two met and about your relationship? I would like to understand this piece of his life a bit better. from your perspective.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Rand sighed and smiled a little. “The first time I met him, I was called by base security to come escort Cpt. Carmichael back to the ship. He was drunk and they wanted to make sure nothing embarrassing happened. Cmdr Alden and my brother helped me get him back to the ship. It wasn’t until we were underway a few weeks later I really met him though. I like to run early in the mornings, when the decks are empty. He was up early to work on more functional habitats for the animal’s in the lab. At the time Randy was his Yeoman, but they had been up late, so he didn’t want to make him or the lab crew get up early. He saw me running and asked if I would be willing to help him. I emded up volunteering to work with one of the animals. She’s a pack animal, but was alone and depressed. He thought if she could bind with a caretaker she might do better, and she is.” She shrugged a little with a smile. “After that we ki d of kept running into each other. My schedule is not fixed or normal. I was up late one night, and he was in the corridor just walking around. We started talking. I didn’t know it at the time, but he couldn’t sleep because of his leg and the memories it triggered. He said he was just too tired to relax enough to sleep. I offered to make him something to help. Chamomile tea or Scottish coffee.”

That explained the drink requests and Leah smiled.

“Our relationship is …” she searched for a word, “comfortable. That may sound bland to you, but it’s not. I’m sure you read my file. If not, you will sometime. I suffer from extreme social anxiety. I don’t make friends easily and I rarely socialize off duty with the crew at large. It’s overwhelming to me. Roman doesn’t make me nervous and he helps me stretch and be more sociable without being overwhelmed. I don’t gossip or try to spread personal information. I like listening about his work, it’s fascinating. We talk about new discoveries we read about, we watch movies and read books together. Even if it’s genres the other doesn’t like. He goes running with me in the mornings, and he’s teaching me some jiu jitsu. He insisted after the … the man came on board and tried to kill us both. It won’t stop a bomb, bit it never hurts to learn.” Rand wasn’t sure exactly what Hart was looking for with her question so Rand just rambled for a bit.

Yeoman Rand

Hart gave a soft smile. “I wouldn’t ever call someone else’s relationship bland. They don’t have to be filled with overt passion in order to be meaningful, so please let go of the idea that I’m judging that.

She paused and took a moment to think, lacing her fingers together and bracing her elbows on the table, chin on her hands. Leah was quiet for a moment, clearly working through her thoughts. She was not a person who was rushed. “I believe that having some things present for a little while that bring him comfort would be very helpful. When I asked him what he would want, he said your special coffee and his rabbit. This was after I said I would ask if you wanted to visit. Now, it won’t be for a really long time, maybe half an hour? And I can’t leave you two alone just now. After today most likely but, as I said I’m still in the middle of the evaluation. The thing is that I need to see how he interacts with someone other than me so I can make a few decisions about things.”

Roman hadn’t asked to see her then. Hart had offered. Rand accepted that. He was upset and feeling abandoned she was sure and betrayed. That had been clear the day before in Kreed’s office. “He won’t really. He will know your watching. He’ll be quiet and formal and reserved. Maybe he won’t be with Pipkin there. He loves his animals. Did he ask for anything else?” She was surprised he hadn’t asked for updates about the lab animals. He wasn’t supposed to be attached, but everyone knew he was.

She broke into a smirk and dropped her hands. “I have a bit of reputation for being unconventional.” Leah leaned in towards Rand. “I think it’s because I intimidate some of the stuffier doctors who can’t imagine a nurse can break through to some patients better than they can.” She sat back up. “I’m willing to try things very seemingly out of the box, and I’m going to do exactly that with Roman. I want you to know that I never ever do anything in a patient setting without a reason, and also that I am just a person. Sometimes I’m going to get it wrong and some days he might really be frustrated with me. That’s okay. We’re all going to learn together. I told Roman that the goal was for him and I to have a plan in place for him to be able to return to duty. Some parts of that might involve you, but I’m going to ask you to do something possibly very difficult: you need to let him struggle with me. Just a little bit. I’m not looking to smooth over every bump. That’s not realistic and not how life works. But I do feel there is hope for him, and he knows that I do.” She spoke quite a bit and it was not usually that way, but it was as she said, sometimes things just were not going to fit a mould.

~Leah Hart, NP

She looked at Hart for a long moment. “I know I can’t do this for him. I know it will be hard. I’ve been through counseling, I know the process. I might wish it to be easier for him, but the only way for him to get better is through. Even if it hurts to watch.” And it hurt. She just wanted to cry for hours, but she couldn’t. “You said he can’t live with me, but if you think he can go back to his quarters eventually, I can move put. Familiar things and spaces help, right?”

Yeoman Rand

She shook her head. “It’s not that you can’t live together. What I was trying to say is that if I released him right away, that it would likely be a bad scenario. For him, or for you. A support system is crucial for someone trying to find a way to live their life, but that support system has to have the capacity to help in the first place. I’m going to be very honest that I am worried that you two are going to bounce badly off each other’s struggles and make it harder for the other person, and the way we can help avoid that is to make sure that you as a key member of his support system area also being taken care of. You need support to, Rand, and I want to make sure you’re not being overlooked because everything is so intense with Roman. So, I’m curious what you do for yourself that isn’t with Roman.”

~Leah Hart, NP


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