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Discount Dave’s Command Course Warehouse

Posted Nov. 16, 2020, 7:08 a.m. by Gamemaster Eric, the half a Trib (GamesMaster) (Russell Watt)

Posted by Captain Xitt Onnyubum (CO) in Discount Dave’s Command Course Warehouse

Posted by Captain Xitt Onnyubum (CO) in Discount Dave’s Command Course Warehouse
Xitt was sitting at a terminal in the basement section of Starfleet Headquarters, as dank and damp as one might imagine the lower decks of a building would be. There was a mild film of who knows what slowly creeping it’s way towards his desk as he worked and worked at finishing the final test. Discount Dave’s Command Course Warehouse was the one, and only one, of the schools that Xitt had found that actually met Starfleet Standards and he was angling for a promotion. But not any promotion, he was going to make it to Captain! Xitt made a bet with an Admiral that he could finish the command course in 2 weeks, if he won, he got a ship. If he lost? Well lets just say that a dank desk with a wonderous creeping film was the least disgusting thing available to him. Xitt looked at the clock as sweat poured from his brow, a delicious slice of cheesecake seemingly at odds with the world around him as he stopped typing to say, “My dear lovely slice how I need you right now” Xitt gently pet the cheesecake as though it were a partner looking for affection. It stuck to his deep blue fingers as he reached to the PADD to press the final few answers, leaving greasy fingerprints behind as the screen lit up green. He had done it. HE HAD DONE IT! Xitt hailed the Admiral quickly as he was mid chew of his lovely slice of classic New York when he muffled, “I did it” .

The Admiral dropped his face to his desk as Xitt danced in the background, cheesecake smeared around his lips. “I believe I get a ship now Admiral?” Xitt said with a giant grin as the Admiral says, “Yes Commander.... you get a ship........”. Xitt replied, “Dontcha mean Captain? Admiral.” As if he were waiting for the floor to swallow him up he said, “Captain......Xitt.......”

It had been a couple of weeks since that conversation occurred and Stafleet quickly amended the credit requirements of the Command Course before giving Commander Xitt Onnyubum a promotion and a post on the USS Constellation, a ship that no one, and he meant no one, had any hope for. It might be a nice and shiny Mythology class, but it was for all intents and purposes, the perfect place to shove an upstart Bolian with a penchant for deserts and a keen ability to stumble into the right place at the right time.

Sitting onboard the starbase as he waited for the ship to arrive, his ship to arrive, Xitt went over the information in his head from what he learned from from Discount Dave’s Command Course Warehouse. He sipped on a cup of maghrebi mint tea as he said out loud to no one in particular “Remember, the most important thing about leading a crew is....” He trailed off with his next sip as the classes all blurred together the course material being, well, paltry in most regards. Platitudes and clichés filled it’s lectures and worksheets as he finished the sip and thought again, “The most important thing about leading a crew is…” His thoughts were interrupted by a waiter checking on his status, a Ferengi man who saw the new captain as a decent mark and had found a willing participant. The Ferengi sold Xitt trinkets and tokens as well as refilling the tea, for quite a pretty penny as he lost track of what he thought or wanted to remember. His ship was on its way and for the life he couldn’t see how he was going to lead it, if only he could remember!

Xitt Onnyubum, CO

Sadly, or perhaps happily for Xitt, nearby a klingon opera singer was about to start singing,
“Every red shirt is sacred,
Every red shirt is great,
When a red shirt is wasted,
Medical gets quite irate.
When on away team missions,
Nameless red shirts are the ones to die,
Unless a main character,
Chooses no more on the ship to fly.
So instead of being a redshirt,
On a Federation starship,
Grab your batleth and join us,
And … watch … your … shirt … get … ripped.”

After hyperventaling, the klingon opera singer began another number …
“You know, I never wanted to be a klingon opera singer, I never wanted to sing about red shirts getting killed, and trying to reach the high notes but hyperventilating and collapsing from the effort … I … I … I always wanted to be - a Klingon Warrior, with my crewmates by my side, flying from planet to planet as we faced the foes of the Empire, the Federation, the Borg, the Cardassians, the Dominions, the Romulans, the Klingon houses we were feuding with at the time of the Klingon Civil Wars, we’d sing … sing … sing (and please join in if you’re a true klingon warrior)

Oh I’m a klingon warrior and I’m ok,
I sleep all night and I fight all day.
(She’s a klingon warrior and she’s ok, she sleeps all night and she fights all day)
I stab the foe, I wear leather, I sharpen my batleth
On Wednesday I hunt tribbles, and drink prune juice for tea.
(She stabs the foe, she wears leather, she sharpens her batleth, on Wednesday she hunts tribbles, and drinks prune juice for tea)

She got so excited and enthralled by the number that she fell into Xitt’s lap and growled at him softly, “what’s a Bolian like you doing in a place like this?”

  • GM Half a Trib
    (OOC: I told you he’s just a naughty GM)

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