Posted by Lieutenant Commander Avik (XO) in Side Sim- Self Reflections, XO’s Office

Posted by Lieutenant Siennadye Nox (Counselor) in Side Sim- Self Reflections, XO’s Office

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Avik (XO) in Side Sim- Self Reflections, XO’s Office
Posted by… suppressed (9) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Avik’s restlessness flooded her system. The strong urge caused her to push away from her desk and wander her office, her vision absorbed the atmosphere she created for herself. The decor remained sparse compared to other offices she had been exposed to. It didn’t help Avik valued practicality over lovely imagery as each display piece served a purpose. Save one.

Her attention hovered over a specific holo display. A well-structured Vulcan stared back, his dark eyes familiar and filled with hidden emotion. Tension polluted her mind as it went taut from the stress. Guilt spread across the surface of her attention and blindsided the woman, her hand instinctively reached to gently touch Salkr’s face only to pass through it.

A sigh exited out of her nostrils before she pulled her hand back to her side. She considered the importance of removing the image from the display’s logs. Deep down, she knew it would never happen. Her sentimental emotions were still too strong to simply move on and forget the happiness her past brought her. When she reached her desk again, Avik brought up her schedule and noted Nox was due any moment. Recalling the counselor’s hospitality, the XO moved to the replicator. She decided on a simple chamomile tea with honey and sugar options. When the machine finished its rematerialization, she carried the tray to the cleared desktop where she waited for the counselor.

–XO, Avik, Lt. Cmdr

Much had happened since their last conversation about Avik’s personal and professional life and Sienna contemplated the recent incident where the ceiling in her own quarters collapsed due to a fire in Astrometrics on the deck above. She had thankfully suffered nothing more than a little smoke inhalation. It also had resulted in Avik being trapped for some time on a turbolift with Vora, a person with whom there was a little conflict. How had the XO been coming on since that incident? Sienna wanted to see.

She chimed in and entered when bidden, noting the gesture of hospitality immediately. “How kind of you. You know, my throat has been feeling a little scratchy lately and this is exactly what I needed. The tea smells delicious.” Sienna smiled with obvious pleasure and reached for a cup to doctor with the various options. She chose honey over sugar, wanting the thick liquid to coat and soothe the throat.

Her eyes traveled around the room, taking in the very on brand decor for Avik’s personality. “How have you been lately?”

Nox, CNS

When Avik heard the chime, her head tilted up and she immediately replied. “Enter.”

“It was a logical action and one I theorized you would appreciate. Chamomile has been proven to calm emotional stress and better to be prepared.” The XO started the conversation on a light foot, then turned back to the difficult question.
She leaned back into her chair.

“It appears I’m adapting well after the incident of the turbo lift. Fortunately, I made it to my office and I dealt with my emotional issues with only minor consequences. A lesson to strengthen my mental defenses even when I’m off duty and a skill I aim to work on.” Avik managed to keep the strain out of her voice.

Her eyes didn’t linger on the counselor’s for very long, instead darted to various items on her desk or to the wall. Her words appeared to be less than accurate about her handling of the situation. She recalled the report she had to file and the fact it included her office needed a few… items repaired.

–XO, Avik, Lt. Cmdr

Sienna watched the Vulcan woman but she didn’t need to watch her carefully to observe her emotional restlessness. She took time and prepared herself some tea, allowing Avik time to perhaps grow more used to her presence. Many times, people of all backgrounds and races avoided eye contact because they wanted to avoid something. Avik’s avoidance was expected like most people’s when they first start a discussion with the counselor. Hazard of the job? Maybe, but it was something Sienna was used to and rarely felt frustrated by.

She sipped her tea, letting the heat soothe her throat before she attempted to break through a bit of the wall Avik surrounded herself by. “I am glad you are adapting well. Though perhaps you could elaborate on the minor consequences seeing as how I am here and I am a decent ear?” Her voice was light and nonchalant as she spoke and then she returned to the tea.

Nox, CNS

Avik shifted subtly in her seat. Her dark eyes fixed onto the counselor as she weighed the wisdom of her next actions, especially against her upbringing. Vulcan society, compared to others, was ill-equipped to address such things. Logic was a core foundation and emotions disrupted it. At least, that was what Avik believed.

She hooked her right leg over her left to become comfortable once more. After she wet her tongue, a small breath inhaled then exhaled. She began to retell the events that occurred after she left the turbo lift.

“After I departed from the turbo lift, I learned later my grip had actually damaged the assisting security officer’s hand. It wasn’t my intention, but I also wasn’t in full control. Officer Vorell had suffered a mental breakdown and I had been unprepared for it.” Avik paused to sip her tea.

The hot liquid soothed over both her throat and nerves.

It was set down with a soft clink while she continued. “I walked quickly down the corridors to my office. Sealed the door and rode out the emotional storm. I had knocked over a vase or two toward the farthest corner where I huddled for well beyond an hour. I denied anyone to enter until I regained control.”

She let Nox absorb the words, but her tone made it clear she wasn’t happy with her loss of control. Few Vulcans would’ve been in her position. Especially being the second in command.

–XO, Avik, Lt. Cmdr

Sienna nodded, comprehending in some part what Avik was so uncomfortable about. “Humans have a saying when things go wrong and their intentions do not match their actions. What was it exactly…” She thought for a second and then nodded again. “Right, ‘I’m only human’. And while you are Vulcan and that does mean you have a much higher measure of restraint and consideration by nature and discipline than most humans could ever hope to have, it sort of applies here I think. You are a person and at your core, like everyone else, not perfect.”

She raised her hand to forebear any words from her patient yet. “That is not to say that you are deeply flawed or that your actions are irredeemable. It is to say that are not and cannot always be in total control, especially considering outside sources always have an effect. That is science really. We are never truly in our own bubble.”

Nox, CNS

(I apologize for having missed this!)

OOC: It’s all good, busy month for everyone!

IC: Avik’s interruption fell into silence when Nox held up her hand, silencing any comments until she finished. While irritation rose to her mind, the XO pushed it down and restrained it from entering her expression. She knew it was unwise to not allow the woman to finish. Even if the term ‘perfect’ gnawed at her pride a bit.

Having something gnaw at someone’s pride from time to time was rarely a problem. It helped keep a firm grasp on reality and one’s own place in a vast universe. If someone thinks of themselves all the time as perfect, unable to make mistakes or poor choices, they end up making colossally poor decisions that lead often to major suffering either by themselves or worse, involving other people. Thus Sienna didn’t mind using the tactic when she felt it necessary. Sometimes messy was good for one’s mental health.

“It is more complicated than that.” The Vulcan first mate pointed out as she sipped some of her tea, letting the favor and effects wash over her.

“I am well aware of this fact. The incident in the turbolift is just another reminder of it. Truth be told, I’m more disappointed I let officer Zorell’s emotions influence my own. Lately, I have been lax in my control and I need to change that.”

At one point, she thought purging herself of emotions might be the best course of action, but she hasn’t been sure.

–XO, Avik, Lt. Cmdr

“I think that is a good idea, to focus on recentering yourself and working on your ability to handle external stimuli.” She nodded and sipped her tea again. It really was a pleasant tea. “Don’t focus on achieving perfection though. I would advise that you take small daily steps rather than leap all in. The results will be longer lasting and the habits will become routine once more. I think we, even Vulcans, can fall off from our goals before we even realize it. Do you think that is true?”

Nox, CNS