Posted by Lieutenant Commander Avik (XO) in Side Sim- Self Reflections, XO’s Office

Posted by Lieutenant Siennadye Nox (Counselor) in Side Sim- Self Reflections, XO’s Office

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Avik (XO) in Side Sim- Self Reflections, XO’s Office
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻
[snip]

Sienna nodded, comprehending in some part what Avik was so uncomfortable about. “Humans have a saying when things go wrong and their intentions do not match their actions. What was it exactly…” She thought for a second and then nodded again. “Right, ‘I’m only human’. And while you are Vulcan and that does mean you have a much higher measure of restraint and consideration by nature and discipline than most humans could ever hope to have, it sort of applies here I think. You are a person and at your core, like everyone else, not perfect.”

She raised her hand to forebear any words from her patient yet. “That is not to say that you are deeply flawed or that your actions are irredeemable. It is to say that are not and cannot always be in total control, especially considering outside sources always have an effect. That is science really. We are never truly in our own bubble.”

Nox, CNS

(I apologize for having missed this!)

OOC: It’s all good, busy month for everyone!

IC: Avik’s interruption fell into silence when Nox held up her hand, silencing any comments until she finished. While irritation rose to her mind, the XO pushed it down and restrained it from entering her expression. She knew it was unwise to not allow the woman to finish. Even if the term ‘perfect’ gnawed at her pride a bit.

Having something gnaw at someone’s pride from time to time was rarely a problem. It helped keep a firm grasp on reality and one’s own place in a vast universe. If someone thinks of themselves all the time as perfect, unable to make mistakes or poor choices, they end up making colossally poor decisions that lead often to major suffering either by themselves or worse, involving other people. Thus Sienna didn’t mind using the tactic when she felt it necessary. Sometimes messy was good for one’s mental health.

“It is more complicated than that.” The Vulcan first mate pointed out as she sipped some of her tea, letting the favor and effects wash over her.

“I am well aware of this fact. The incident in the turbolift is just another reminder of it. Truth be told, I’m more disappointed I let officer Zorell’s emotions influence my own. Lately, I have been lax in my control and I need to change that.”

At one point, she thought purging herself of emotions might be the best course of action, but she hasn’t been sure.

–XO, Avik, Lt. Cmdr

“I think that is a good idea, to focus on recentering yourself and working on your ability to handle external stimuli.” She nodded and sipped her tea again. It really was a pleasant tea. “Don’t focus on achieving perfection though. I would advise that you take small daily steps rather than leap all in. The results will be longer lasting and the habits will become routine once more. I think we, even Vulcans, can fall off from our goals before we even realize it. Do you think that is true?”

Nox, CNS

Avik’s eyes looked to the decor in her office. It held aspects of practical and sentimental, taunting evidence of her upbringing within the colony. Each one reflected an aspect of her on display. Her pointed ears listed to Nox’s wise words then pondered on them.

“The Vulcan culture also prefers for emotions to be controlled and repressed. Some will consider very proven techniques when conventional ones don’t work.” She was referring to lobotomizing her emotions completely.

Like all Star Fleet psycologists and psychiatrists, Sienna had studied Vulcan physiology, culture, and especially their way of handling emotions. Sienna personally did not like the idea of lobotomizing someone’s emotions but understood sometimes the drastic medical needs that created such a situation. She pursed her lips before sipping her tea once more. In her professional opinion, Avik wasn’t to that necessary point yet, but she had her mind focused on it as an option and that was something Sienna needed to keep in mind while treating the XO.

“As for the question, I was born in a mixed colony of humans and Vulcan. I would be lying if I didn’t say I agree with that truth.” Avik let a gentle sigh escape her lips, a small moment to reflect on things.

“My main concern is the aftermath until I do. I’m not a junior officer, I’m an XO and second in command on a science vessel. Those consequences will affect others. It’s also disappointing when my own efforts to progress through past trauma haven’t yielded satisfactory results.”

–XO, Avik, Lt. Cmdr

She sat back, considering the woman’s words and let her teacup sit in her lap, gently held. Then she had to to give a small wry smile. It seemed Avik had come to a point of speaking an understanding that might help her with patience regarding someone on the crew whom she had struggled with. “Then I suppose you feel relatively close to how Vora feels when her past trauma does the same to her.”

Nox, XO

Avik’s eyes tightened as she focused on Nox, her right eyebrow rose in questioning fashion. A small silence spun its web between the two women. She digested the words and inhaled, her thoughts already processing them. It was interesting to hear how Nox’s statement appeared to imply she had no experience with the effect Zorell’s emotions had on. The incident in question brought up a past Avik preferred to been left alone.

Did Nox even know what it was like to never trust a part of herself? Or did Betaziods hold so tight control, it could rival Vulcan’s value on logic?

It was something that Avik never thought to research and learn until now.

“The way you stated that… did you assume I didn’t?” It was a simple question that guided the next answer.

–XO, Avik, Lt. Cmdr

Sienna shook her head. “No. It was more a reminder that inner conflict is present from in everyone to some varying degree and that you and Vora have much in common this way. You seem so apart from everyone here. Part of that is being the XO, I know, but something is definitely holding you back from connecting to someone. Maybe you could find a kindred spirit in her, perhaps a friendship? Have you ever considered the possibility?”

She was taking a risk suggesting it. Vora and Avik had had such troubled interactions even though they had recently come to some sort of mutual understanding during the elevator incident. Could they lean on each other and help each other work through past trauma by sharing it with someone who could understand the unique trials it brings? Sienna was prepared to treat both women on her own, but having someone to talk to could be very beneficial to both women’s treatment and mental health.

Nox, CNS