Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Vora Zorell (Scientist) in Johann’s Quarters- Suspicions

Posted by Captain Johann Dvorak (CO) in Johann’s Quarters- Suspicions

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Vora Zorell (Scientist) in Johann’s Quarters- Suspicions

(snip)

Vora fixed her maroon gaze on the floor, as if studying the tiny loops of the carpet. She wasn’t sure how to express the unease she was feeling, or if she could even qualify it properly in any way. “It’s… hard not to feel, to use a Terran saying, like a third wheel in all of this. I’m involved because I’m involved with you, but it doesn’t involve me directly. But what you two do with all of this does impact me. And it’s not like I’m expecting either of you to act in a way that would be hurtful to me. I just… maybe it’s this uncomfortable realization that I actually have something to lose here, even if it’s not realistic that it could happen. That’s not something that was always true for me. It’s a marker of how much life has changed for the better. I just.. it’s all very confusing for me and I’m not sure how I should feel about it all. And I’d go talk to the counsellor about that because it’s triggering some old things for me, but… well… that’s awkward.”

~Vora Zorell, Sciences

“You might want to do that anyway,” Johann said. “I mean, I think that’s the only way out of it being awkward for everybody. Just clearly acknowledge that it’s messed up and doesn’t make any sense.”

Then he actually thought about that for a second. “Triggering” implied that there was something traumatic that was directly relevant here. The sort of thing she’d need to talk to the counselor about to work through trauma. Oops, he thought.

“Though I guess that could be like… an ethics problem, actually, formally speaking… I mean, if you’re talking to her as the counselor in order to provide counseling about something she’s directly involved in.” There wasn’t anyone else on the ship who could do it. At least not now. Making some kind of alternate arrangement would be difficult at best, and start a paper trail on everybody.

Fleet Command had to know about this before they put her here, he thought. Why did they still do it? Then again, Johann never really understood why did Fleet Command did anything.

– Johann Dvorak, CO

Vora sighed. “I could call Dor, the psychiatrist on Tenra who worked with me during my relapse. I mean, if it became an issue, of course.” But while Dr. Alkia had been a huge help in Vora anonymously publishing her ongoing memoir, the thought of doing therapy with her felt like a step backwards in a strange way.

She looked up at the man who would be her husband soon. “I’ve told you more about my life than anyone, therapists and Cassidy included. All those moments of hurt and trauma that I dumped on you after we got together… I’ve never shared all that with anyone else. Not because I was ashamed, but because of all the things I was dealing with, a lot of that were just facts about my life, but ones that were important to someone who wanted to have a proper relationship with me. Hell, Johann, I never even told Scott any of that and there’s a part of me that knows if he had asked me to marry him, I would have done so blindly. But here’s the thing. You’ve been this strange anomaly in my life and one I’m so grateful for. With you I wasn’t trying to find reasons for you to choose me, you just… did. And although I’ve been scared at times, I’ve never really felt like I had to prove my worth to you. But with everyone else I did. That’s how much I’ve grown, and why I think we work so well.” Where the hell was she going with this anyway? She blew out a breath. “What I think I’m trying to get at is that I have this sudden fear that I have to prove something all of a sudden. It’s not rational, and it’s not about you, it’s just… old crap.”

~Vora Zorell

“Right,” he said quietly. He seemed to think this over for a moment. If it’s not rational, don’t try to reason with it, he thought, before leaning in a little bit closer.

“You know,” he whispered. “We have figured out a few things to do about ‘old crap’ before. I seem to remember that making some new crap helps out with that.” He made a point to breathe out unusually heavily at the end of that sentence in order provoke her sense of touch ever so gently.

– Johann Dvorak, CO