Posted by Lieutenant Siennadye Nox (Counselor) in Alt. Universe: Runabout In Space - Operation Bedlam

Posted by Captain Johann Dvorak (CO) in Alt. Universe: Runabout In Space - Operation Bedlam

Posted by Lieutenant Siennadye Nox (Counselor) in Alt. Universe: Runabout In Space - Operation Bedlam
Posted by… suppressed (9) by the Post Ghost! 👻

SNIP

She paused and bit her lip again before asking a very important question. “What do you want?”

Nox, CNS

He paused. It was an entirely fair question for her to ask. At the same time, he knew what his answer was instantly. It was not a fair answer, so he hesitated for a moment before finally saying it aloud.

“My wife.”

It’s what he really wanted. With that in focus, it made it harder to look at the woman before him, who was also in a lot of pain. He had made it worse. Especially because he had toyed with her earlier. He was too angry to feel guilty before, now he was starting to.

– Johann Dvorak, CO

She parsed this answer. Somehow, she had not expected that to be his answer, yet she really should have. The other Sienna certainly would have. Siennadye bit her lip and watched Johann. After admitting it, he couldn’t look her in the face and she wondered why. Was it because he felt guilt for kissing her, felt guilt for feeling anything for someone else, feeling for her specifically, or was it something else? Not for the first time, she wished she had some of the other Sienna’s training in psychology.

Then too was how she felt about his answer. It hurt, though she didn’t want it to. She didn’t want to admit that it stung not to be wanted with the kind of intensity he wanted his wife. She didn’t want to admit how her whole life felt upside down and her relationship to her friend in the other universe could never quite be the same if she ever got back there. She wanted to be cool and relaxed about her feelings for him in any universe, but now that Pandora’s box was opened, she felt she could not put it all entirely in the box again.

“Well, maybe one day soon I can help you get that, but not today.” She said and her mouth turned up on one corner as she rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration. She ran her fingers through her long dark hair. “If you dont want to find some comfort with me, that is fine. We have separate quarters and I am not easily offended by rejection so…”

It’s not- Johann thought and then immediately stopped himself. Johann grimaced. He knew he screwed this all up, and that he had hurt her. Which made him want to comfort her… which would have been an even more obnoxious mixed signal to give right now. He had to get clear of this mess he made and fight his instinct to try to ‘undo’ it in this moment.

Switching to the Captain in charge, she said, “Feel free to peruse our files on the device we have so far and our missions in trying to get access to the Alternate Universe or get some rest. We have a couple of days before we arrive.”

Nox, Captain

“Thanks, I’ll do that.” The reply was clipped and to the point, reflecting the change in role she just made. He decided to take the suggestion to get some rest as a socially acceptable exit to the conversation. He got up out of the chair and left the runabout’s Bridge.

– Johann Dvorak, Not-the-CO

She turned her chair to face the console so as to occupy herself as he got up and left. Only after she heard his passing and the bridge door shut behind him, did she allow the tears to take over her stinging eyes and fall to her cheeks. God what a mess she had made. What a mess that man had made when he switched the Siennadye Nox’s from each others universes. It hurt not to be really wanted, even if it was because she was a facsimile of someone else. Though, that was its own kind of pain.

With Johann leaving to his quarters and the rest of the crew chowing down on her home cooked food, she had time here on the bridge to be on her own and allow herself a bit of grieving. Before she had met the other Sienna, she had been content without an intimate relationship in her life. It had always been on the horizon, but she had been in no rush to get there. Now that she saw the possibility of a relationship with Johann, it was like she couldn’t stop longing for a relationship; for someone to hold close and who cared about her on that level. Her arms crossed her middle tightly as if she was holding herself together.

The other Sienna had spoken about her husband a great deal when they had spent a year together searching for the man that had plucked her from this universe. Looking now at the grief ridden man who had sat across from her today, she wondered how the other Sienna would feel about the changes in him, how she would help him get through it and feel human again.

Probably with skills she knew she didn’t have. Besides, if Johann wanted to get past this, there was an entire army of counselors he could have gone to. In the end, it didn’t help her any to speculate or wish. Sienna wiped vigorously at her face and sniffled. Pity party for one? Check.

Nox, not the CNS

It was true: if Johann wanted to get past this, there was an entire army of counselors he could have gone to. He did not do that. What was ridiculous was that nobody in Starfleet seemed to be particularly intent on making him see one. Especially in light of the fact that his anger over the whole situation started causing him to do increasingly dangerous things. That’s how he ended up on this secret mission in the first place.

He found himself in the quarters he was given, simply because he had no where else to go. He opened his back and checked the tricorder that he had left on inside it. Nobody had entered the room while he was gone, so he threw the thing back in the bag. That left him with nothing in particular to do, other than to follow the suggestions that Sienna had made.

“Feel free to peruse our files on the device we have so far and our missions in trying to get access to the Alternate Universe or get some rest. We have a couple of days before we arrive,” he recalled her saying.

He suddenly felt the need to get out of this little tin can in space, to open a window and step out of it, as if he was escaping a burning building. Except that would obviously not be a very good idea in space. On a space ship traveling at warp speed. A space ship that had no openable windows.

That’s not what he wanted either. He wanted to “fix” the thing he just broke. He just a moment ago thought that would be a bad idea, because he would have made things worse. Now it seemed like a better thing to do than to sit here and stew on it with nothing else to really focus on.

Could I really hurt her any worse? he wondered. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

– Johann Dvorak, Not-the-CO

Eventually Sienna left the Bridge to go settle herself into her quarters. She didn’t know what to do about her interest in Johann. Really, was there anything to do at this point? Probably not. Perhaps she should get some sleep. Her dreams often helped her trudge through her mental troubles. They might help her now. She paused for a moment outside the door to the quarters she had assigned Johann. With an eye roll directed toward herself for even thinking about knocking, she ran her fingers through her hair and continued to her own quarters. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What would she have said?

Nothing. She would have stood there like an idiot. No need to continue in that vein. She had already painted herself as one earlier.

Nox, Not-the-CNS

The door she had just stopped in front of opened. Johann stopped in the door frame, and looked in her general direction as she walked by. He was hoping to have a minute to think through what he was actually going to do before seeing her.

So far the worst thing is that I’m standing here like an idiot, he thought in the answer to his own question from earlier.

– Johann Dvorak, Not-the-CO

The door opening had her reacting automatically to the sound. Her feet kept going for a few steps even while her head turned at the sound. Her brow arched in surprise as she realized she was seeing Johann. Her mind didn’t have any time to really contemplate why he was coming out of his quarters. It was still stumbling over her own intentions and what could have been. Her feet skidded to a halt.

She had to laugh at herself and the timing. She smiled inadvertently at her inner thoughts and asked, “Everything okay?”

Nox, Not-the-CNS

He sighed at this question, not sure how to answer it. Screw it, he thought.

“Nah.” It was a remarkably casual statement; the kind one might utter as if they had been asked “Would you like fries with that?” or “Did you try out that new holonovel that Bill was raving about the other day?”

“I feel guilty. I wasn’t fair to you. And I hurt you. I want to ‘fix’ it.” He didn’t actually know what that meant.

– Johann Dvorak, CO