Posted by Lieutenant Commander Markus Woods (Chief Star Fleet Science Officer) in Rest and Relaxation (TAG Woods)

Posted by Lieutenant Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Rest and Relaxation (TAG Woods)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Markus Woods (Chief Star Fleet Science Officer) in Rest and Relaxation (TAG Woods)
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Mark raised his glass. “To our family,” he echoed. Finding the way back, he didn’t know if that would happen, could happen. He squeezed the glass in his hand until he was afraid it would shatter, but it held. Touching all around he finally took a longer swig then sighed. His other hand held on to Sharah tightly. He was usually the disciplined and controlled one, stoic even. But the waves just kept coming. He supposed that was the price for letting people in, letting people get close.

He paused to add something then thought better of it, and killed off the last of the whisky in his glass. Good stuff, and he hated going through it fast. ‘Okay, no more of that until I can get a handle on things,’ silently commented to Sharah. Last thing he needed was to embarrass all of them, and especially himself.

Mark

Sharah didn’t really feel like the disciplined one, she was surfing, kind of. The waves were pretty high and wild but the sky was clear for the moment. She squeezed his hand tightly. ‘You don’t have to handle things all the time, you know. And I’m here if you can’t.’ They would find a way back if that’s what they wanted. It might be awhile, she got that sense from Cpt Rende, but they could.

Mark nodded and squeezed her hand back tightly. ‘I know. I can’t bail on this, and this is not a time to fall apart. Maybe later. And too… I’m jut very tired. We all are. it’s been a pretty big ordeal all the way around.’ Even his mental ‘voice’ seemed a bit tired, but was no less affectionate and warm.

There wasn’t a lot Sharah could do at the moment. They were all tired, not just physically, but mentally. The events had taken a toll even on the children. Not knowing who was who or if they could be trusted. Leaving the Viking was hitting Markus hard. Cpt Rende felt conflicted about it. Sharah could tell that much without prying. The captain had incredible mental discipline, and Sharah knew she used it for Sharah’s benefit. For now Sharah could only wrap Mark in affection and lend her strength.

Vedi was shifting from foot to foot and glanced at Tabris. Vedi was the stalwart protector of the group of children, but he was also the more reserved and uncertain in new situations, though he did his best to hide it from the other children. Tabris nodded, “I think now would be a good time.” Sharah tipped her head and smiled. Vedi returned out of the bedroom with a box. Inside he pulled out 9 leather cuff bracelets. The center of each was a symbol that Eldorin and Tabris had created to represent their family. Around it Vedi had etched into it nine different symbols, one for each of the people in the room. Vedi stood there holding them for a long quiet moment. Finally Julin, precocious impatient Julin, “Come on Vedi I want mine!” And he tried to nab one out of the set. Vedi had thought and thought about what he’d wanted to say, but now he was too nervous to say it. So instead he knelt down and buckled Julin’s around his wrist. Then he let Julin help him pass them out.

The young Cardassian boy handed one to Markus, shyly. He really looked up to Markus even though he was too hesitant to say it.

Mark stooped to accept the band and after a moment gave the kiddo a smile and held his gaze, just for a couple seconds. “Thank you.” Mark took a few moments to study it with care, looking over every centimeter, end to end front and back. “Wanna help me put it on?”

Vedi nodded and helped to work the buckle and then he turned the cuff and pointed to one of the symbols. “That one is for you. It took me awhile to get it to look right.” The symbol was a replica of Mark’s bonsai tree but on the pot was what looked like two donuts connected by a tunnel - the symbol for quantum physics. “This one is for Aunt Sharah.” A much smaller replica of Sharah’s bonsai tree with a caduceus on it.

Mark studied it on his wrist, not quite able to help the small, but very pleased smile on his face. “Great choice,” he said quietly, blinking a few times as his vision turned watery, just for a moment. But just as quickly he was able to reel himself back in. It was a little thing but the meaning behind it was great. Especially with Vedi. He might not have been the most outspoken among the kids, but some things spoke louder than words. “Thank you again. I wish I had something I could give back in return.”

Vedi kind of shrugged, trying to let go of the big brother role for a minute and then he grinned really big. “I don’t want anything. A gift is given because of the feeling behind it, not for re…reca…reciprocity.” Vedi stood there a moment as if he didn’t know what to do with himself. “I’m glad you like it.”

When Vedi gave Sharah hers she grinned, “I wondered where this went. I thought it was packed in a crate.” Vedi ducked his head. “It was hard trying to keep a secret from you. I just knew you would rat me out.” Sharah hugged him, “You know Vedi, I think we’d all like to hear what you were going to say.” Vedi looked uncertain but Sharah nodded at him and he sighed, “Well it’s just…Neltus, Mecona, Julin and I…we didn’t have a family for a long time, and I know we’re all moving and going different places, but…well Dad says family isn’t about blood it’s about the people who mean something, and well…” he fidgeted from one foot to the other, “I wanted to make something that would say you’re all always my family.”

Mark nodded with a small smile. he’d drink to that, well if he had anything left to drink.

Rende hugged him, kissing the top of his head, Eldorin as well. Julin told him he’d always be his little brother and Netltus told him he was being weird. Sharah looked down at the cuff and leaned against Markus’ side. ‘How did I go from having no one, to all this?’

‘Dunno. When you figure it out, let me know. But for me, I feel like this is more because of your doing, at least on my part.’ Through that simple touch and contact came that feeling of the perpetual outsider. Like her. Save for when it came to Rende. But he was here. It was important to both of them and himself. And over the trip so far, he had to admit the little, or big depending on how you interpreted it, family unit had grown on him even more than he thought it would.

Sharah shook her head, ‘No Markus, feel the emotions around you, they are flowing freely to be felt and shared, no prying needed. You are here because they want you here, not for my sake.’ It wasn’t that they wouldn’t invite him for her, but that even if Sharah and Markus weren’t together, Markus would still be welcome for himself. Rende and Eldorin held a lot of personal affection and professional respect for Markus. Rende was the more obvious, feeling very maternal and mentor-ish toward Markus. There was a little bitter sweetness to it, she was going to miss him a lot. Tabris had worked with Markus during the whole mission and admired his quick mind, but during the trip to the star base he had gotten to know Markus better. He considered him a close friend and was truly happy that Markus and Sharah had found each other. The children were, well children. The adored Markus, purely by instinct, not old enough to understand the whys yet.

‘It’s not that.’ They had all been through so much. Sharah had been through something terrible. They were on the other side of it, but he worried about bringing the shadow of that back around the kids. And that they wouldn’t understand why he reacted the way he did in the here and now. And this was meant to be a positive, happy occasion. Not dumping out his own issues on all of them. Sure, leaning on them was good, and he would. But right now, it was just .... really inappropriate. He wasn’t good with it, in his own conscience. Later, for sure.

Sharah leaned heavily into him. She was having trouble communicating what she meant, what she was feeling not just herself but around her. She was raw and exhausted and the star base was much bigger than the Viking or the Ark Angel. With only a few days here Sharah hadn’t even attempted to find a rhythm, she was just more battered and bruised than she normally was. She wasn’t trying to stop Markus from feeling what he was, just that he wasn’t so much alone. They weren’t outsiders looking in, not in this moment. They were…Sharah let out a long sigh, she was even confusing herself. She nodded her head against his shoulder as she slipped her arm around his waist. Through that connection there was simply acceptance that he needed to feel and be as he needed. There was so much weighing on them all after the Viking, but it could only be resolved a small piece at a time. Her other hand rested against his arm that rested across her waist and hip and squeezed gently.

“Alright Neltus don’t give him a hard time, go help set the table.” Tabris pointed him toward the larger table that had been brought in for the occasion.

Fayth

Mark remained silent for the moment, out of the way but looked for opportunities to assist where he could, but was content to simply keep his arm around Sharah, hand resting on her hip, and doing his best to be present in the moment.

Woods

Rende maneuvered them all around so that Markus was sitting to her right and Sharah next to him. The dinner was pleasant with plenty of food and enough to drink. Rende and Eldorin, might have been from a race of ‘listeners’, were skilled at directing conversation and engaging in it. There was no talk of the events on Viking. There seemed to be more than enough to talk about. The children were certainly eager to ask questions and talk about anything and everything. When the meal was over Tabris and Eldorin stood from the table and gathered the children up and left the room. It was El-Aurian tradition that the fathers always put the children to bed. It was a memory that had slipped Tabris’ mind until he was reunited with them. Seeing them leave together brought a serene and joyous feeling to Rende. Then she looked at Sharah and Markus.

As they started to dig in, talk and enjoy each other’s company. Mark had been quiet, at first. Partially because he was hungry. But more than that some of the weight began to ease. The stress. Being able to joke, smile, and find some laughter again was more than helpful. It brought back some light. As the rest went to retire for the evening, or at least the kids were being put down for the ‘night’ he relaxed a little more with less people around. Not that they weren’t adorable, but the energy of the evening shifted a little.

“I hope you’ll forgive me the indulgence. I always hated those large gatherings of entire crew for something so personal. It just…lost something.” With a grin she pulled out two PaDDs and handed one to each of them. “Your marching orders. When your leave is over and your both ready to return to duty. CSO and CMO respectively of the Star Fleet out post on the colony of Oed V and served the the star ship Centurion. Under the command of Captain Tori Zei.” Rende reached over and patted Sharah’s hand. “Yes Chief Medical Officer. You’ve earned it, over and again, Sharah. Your ability to read the hearts and minds of others makes you an outstanding doctor.” She pulled out a small black box and opened it to a solid gold pip, “So it is with great pleasure, Sharah Fayth, that I promote you to the rank of Full Lieutenant with all the rights, privileges and responsibilities therein. When others wanted to create harm, and act out of fear, you stood your ground and fought for peace and understanding. You gave of yourself to find peace. To seek out new civilizations, found it and protected us all.” Rende stood then and walked over to Sharah and reached out to her, “I am honored to present you with the Star Cross.” Sharah sat stunned looking down at the medal now pinned to her clothing. This couldn’t possibly be correct, but with those other senses she knew Rende meant every word. “Thank you, Cpt.” Rende hugged her and then returned to her seat but did not sit.

Mark tilted his head as she’d started to speak about larger occasions and frowned. Then… he smiled, immediately recognizing what she had in mind. Indeed, he hated them to. It was good to see someone come up, and celebrate it. But it was another to drag them out and parade them around, especially if they would rather avoid that much attention. He took the PADD with their new assignment and blinked. OED V was a colony world that had it’s own struggles. They’d only recently finished atmospheric processing, getting the dust and pollutants cycled out after the comet strike. There were opportunities for learning there, a place to catch his breath and more. And Sharah was going to be right there with him. That was a relief. He didn’t want to, but he would have fought to have the same posting. And then being presented with her promotion made him beam brighter. It was bittersweet because of how much the last tour had cost, but he was incredibly proud of her. And as Rende presented the Star Cross he had to wipe at the corners of his eyes again.

Once Rende was out of the way he scooped her up in a big, tight hug as well, murmuring quietly that he was so proud of her. She knew it, of course, but it was something she needed to hear anyway. After a good half minute he could feel Rende wanting to speak but not interrupt, so he gently withdrew to give her his attention.

“Markus, you’ve given so much to Star Fleet and you have more experience with what’s out there than most captains I know. Your work is exceptional your service above and beyond. I honestly don’t know that Viking would have made it without you at my side. When I made the horrible misjudgment about who I thought was Kohr, you helped me find the solution and a way forward. You lead the crew as if you’d always been the First Officer. You kept everyone safe, focused, and never wavered. At least where anyone could see, and that is the best any leader can do. For your work in saving the Federation from a war with a people who were not our enemy it is my honor to present you with the Christopher Pike Medal of Valor.” Rende reached out and pinned the medal to Mark’s shirt.

It was hard to see again. He knew every word she said was true, and she felt it and meant it. Which only made it that more intense. So much stress, anxiety, and even negativity, doubt, fear and built up within him. It drew up relief even as it scraped against the raw and angry wounds across his heart and soul, drawing out some of the worst and casting it free. Had it come from most anyone else, or anyone that hadn’t been there at least, it would have felt so disingenuous. And so cheap. But from her, HIS captain, mentor, and… friend (he’d like to think), meant so much more. It was validating in a way that he didn’t even know he needed or felt in a long time.

“The joy of being me is I can do this, too.” Another small black box appeared. “Markus Woods, you have the skill and knowledge and passion to be a great leader. We’ve talked some off and on and I’ve decided to make the decision a little easier.” Opening the box was another pip, this one hollow. “I am proud to promote you to the rank of Lieutenant Commander with all the rights, privileges and responsibilities therein. That also means you are now eligible to take the bridge officer’s test.” She hugged him and even kissed him on the cheek. “I’m proud of both of you, you deserve this.” A look passed between Sharah and Rende. “Sharah, can I borrow Markus for a few minutes?” Sharah hugged him with a soft congratulations and then slipped away.

Mark hugged Rende back with surprising strength, trembling a little. He’d found even footing, and while the honors she heaped on him were great, and meant so much, by the same turn it was again almost too much. When he found Sharah with her arms around him again, he held on for dear life, just for a few moments. Taking a few deep breaths he reached for the silence again, finding it a little easier now than before. Wiping at the corner of one eye he seemed to regain control. “Congratulations to you too, Lieutenant,” he murmured. “May God have mercy on your soul.” He broke into a momentary grin at that, then slowly straightened. Reaching out, he drained his glass once more.

Rende waved to the door, and then slipped her hand into the crook of his arm. “Come on, give this ancient woman your arm so I don’t stumble and fall. Let’s take a stroll and talk, Markus.”

Sharah and Rende

“Yes ma’am,” he said, standing quickly and slipping the black box into an unobtrusive pocket. The ma’am was less formal and said almost as a term of endearment. Stepping out into the brighter corridor, he took a deep, steadying breath. “I want to apologize for being so off balance tonight. I feel like I have a broken rudder and my sails rigging is all knotted up.” He didn’t usually use sailing analogies, but for two Navy people, it somehow felt appropriate.

Markus Woods

Rende nodded, “That can happen after rough seas. You limp your way to shore and replace the rudder and dismantle the rigging to straighten out the kinks. It seems mundane after everything else, but sometimes we need that. You need that. After the loss of the original Viking and now this, the entire crew did. Extended prolonged leave has been granted to everyone, in addition to any medical leave, like what Sharah needs. So you take all the time you need, fix your rudder, unkink your rigging, scrub the deck, and scrape the barnacles off.” Then Rende chuckled knowing she’d taken the metaphor a bit far. “Never apologize for being off balance. I’ve found that gut feeling, that worry, the uneasy introspection is what lets us know we are still using the correct compass. If we don’t have that feeling we’ve gotten far too arrogant. So tell me, Markus, you know how you feel, but why do you feel that way? What has you so off balance?”

Rende

Mark took a deep breath as he considered the question with great care. It was no trap. This was a safe space, and he knew it. Never doubted it once. That was not the source of his care. He wanted to be totally honest with Rende. Only in that, could she offer true counsel, and true help. “Where do I begin? I came to the Viking to conduct my own investigation. The strangeness that the original was wrapped up in had to have a scientific explanation. I was sure of it. I came in like a hired gun, thinking I would clean up the town. And well, you know how that went. I still don’t have any answers. And there was no basis in any understanding of science that I had. I believe in logic and reason. What can be seen and proven. And that… was beyond anything. And, I hate to ascribe the term, but… it’s one of the few times and places I feel like I’ve felt the presence of true evil.” Even as he said it, it left a chill that ran through him. Even though Rende hadn’t been there, it was clear by the haunted look in his eyes when he thought about it that it had left its mark upon him.

He took another deep breath, letting it out slowly as they walked. “And then the mission with Hab’rabi’s people.” How could he untangle that mess? “I’m having a hard time reconciling the way things went. I know we did our best. Everyone performed admirably, above and beyond the call. I cannot express enough how proud I am of everyone.” Tears threatened to well up again at the corners of his vision, but he forced himself to pause and let them fade. “So I do feel proud of everyone. And I’m trying to let myself off the hook. Part of me feels like I should have done better. And I know that’s a trap. It’s the ugly side of perfectionism. Beating myself up for things far outside my control.” He paused for a moment. “I suppose that’s the biggest part. Beating the crap out of myself. Despite endless reviews and evals. Some part of me feels like it wasn’t good enough. And I know that’s crap too. Or I would have lost rank. I wouldn’t be here right now. I have to take this,” he tapped the medal, “and this” he tapped the rank pips box, “as evidence. I know it comes from you, and I am ever so grateful. Which is part of it. But Starfleet wouldn’t back it if it wasn’t true.”

“So it’s a constant war with the doubt and disbelief, the nagging ass in my head. The losses. The setbacks. How grateful I am that it’s over. That I do have people around me that care about me. And not just Chief Woods or Doctor Woods but… Me. I neeever expected to find the love of my life on board that ship. I never expected to find a second family among one of the roughest moments of my life. I never expected anyone to put any real faith in me. And I know that… the needs of the mission … your needs.. forced you to lean on me. And I’m happy and grateful I was able to step up and do you justice. Make you proud.” Another breath, keeping the boat righted and afloat. “It’s been … I dunno. That little bit of faith and trust has meant a lot. Even when I have my own doubts and fears. And I know I need to work on that.” He blew out another soft breath. “I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for years. And I can start to breathe again. There’s hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. And I don’t even know where that is coming from. I feel I owe you so much. And I have so much gratitude that I can’t even begin to express it. I am better for having known you. All of you. There is so much to process and unpack. And things just keep coming in waves, and it’s all I can do to bail water and keep the boat upright, right now.”

Woods, lost at sea

Rende walked along beside him, matching his stride as his words urged him to a longer faster pace or his realizations made him slow and pause in the corridor. She let him talk and let the music of his emotions play over her and resonate with in. “I cannot speak of what you experienced on the old Viking. I wasn’t there, but I have seen a lot, I’ve heard stories of more, and there is evil in this universe. We El-Aurians live thousands of years, not just hundreds. Most of us that survived are considered children by our standards. And there was more in the universe than even our scientists understood. It is the great thing about space, there is always more to learn, but it can often be terrifying. You may not have the answers you wanted, but they are out there. There are more views of reality and perceptions that humanity is aware of. And that is not a failing, that we don’t know or can’t understand, but a potential to grow and learn.”

She patted his arm gently. “No that is the frustrating part of perfectionism. The ugly side is when you think you’ve reached it. When you are absolutely sure you are always right and your plan, your preparations have taken into account everything and you know no one can do better than you. That is the ugly side of perfectionism.” She and El had suffered from that for a couple of centuries and it was debt Rende could never repay. “Hab’rabi and his remnants were so far outside what we expected to find. Yes he deceived us, and that made it harder, but what would we have done in his place? And that is a question we’ve all asked and answered and forgiven him for. Now we beat ourselves up for not seeing it sooner. In the end though, it’s important that we did see it. It could have been much much worse. I should have seen Kohr was not Kohr sooner, I should have interrogated Hab’rabi rather than questioned, I should have used the transporters to eradicate the motes, I should have blown up the shuttle with the away team in it. Sacrificed their lives for the rest. I didn’t, I chose to believe that saving life and finding understanding was more important. Yes you supported me in that decision, but it was mine alone and my responsibility. We could circle it like vultures over a dying cow, but that will get us no where.” She patted his arm again. “It is one thing to say ‘I wish I could have done more’ or to see after a better solution and then learn from it to become better. However there is nothing to be gained by living in the should haves.”

“Oh Markus, I wasn’t forced by circumstances to choose you, to lean on you. I could have easily chosen Sigmundsson, Forgrave, or Semenza. Hell for all that I could have chosen Eldorin. We’ve worked and lived and loved together for centuries. He knows what I will do before I do. But I didn’t. They were not the right person in that situation, you were. I am very proud of you Markus. It was a tough foray for your first time in command and you did remarkably well. You will always wonder if you did right, that is the mark of a great commander. To always wonder and push yourself to make the best choices will make you someone that people will follow, not blindly, but with certainty and pride. Because they will know you value them. It doesn’t get easier, but the process becomes a steady foundation that will support you.”

She walked along in silence for a moment. The habitat deck of the star base was huge and there was plenty of time. She paused and turned to him, hugging him in a strong embrace counter to her ancient years. “El and I had always wanted many children, but after we lost Tabris we just couldn’t. It hurt too much. We missed out. So I am glad to call you part of my family, another son to be proud of.” She squeezed his arm in an affectionate gesture. “I think if you feel you are barely keeping the water out, you should take a lesson from your young lady. I have heard Sharah speak often of the storms and the waves around her. Of trying to surf above them. But I have also heard her speak of letting the boat collapse. Frightening I am sure for her, but the raft is no longer viable, so she lets go and allows the current to take her. Also terrifying I would imagine. Eventually though the current lets go and she finds another raft or she floats on her own for awhile.” Rende glanced up at him with a grin. “Or even better, she has found herself held and sheltered by someone with a stronger boat. She may not have a boat of her own right now, but she is a stronger swimmer than all of us put together. She can lead you through.”

Coming around a curve she paused to let several people pass and then continued on, “And a piece of personal advice. Marry that girl before you both get stuck holding your breath unsure of how or when to move forward. I want more grandbabies!”

Rende