Posted Jan. 20, 2023, 8:18 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) (Jennifer Ward)
Posted by Commander Janusz Korczak (Counselor) in See…What Happened Was…
Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in See…What Happened Was…
Posted by Commander Janusz Korczak (Counselor) in See…What Happened Was…
Posted by… suppressed (13) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Sharah hurried down the stairs to the last room on the left. She had a larger PaDD somewhere in all those crates. What did she do with it? She was really going to need an actual computer console eventually. She opened ine crate and it was clothes, she opened another and it was pots and dirt and seed packets. Ah! That one. She opened it and dug through the books for the larger PaDD and then sat down crossed legged, middle of the bed, and messes around with it until she got it to make the secure connection and the propped it up against a couple of pillows.
A fee moments passed and then the nondescript face of Commander Korczak appeared. He smiled and said =/\= Hello, Sharah… how are you? =/\= and then his brow furrowed slightly. =/\= Are you busy? You dont seem to be in the same place you were when we talked previously. We can reschedule, if you need to. =/\=
=/\=Hello Janusz.=/\= The man didn’t miss a thing. She supposed that’s why she liked him as a counselor. She couldn’t hide things or beat about the bush. =/\= No, I’m not busy. This…” she looked around a bemused expression on her face. “This is my room. I’ve moved. Officially as of today.=/\=
His brows rose slightly and he said =/\= Moved? Oh, do tell. Was this a planned transition, or more of a spur-of-the-moment decision? And there is nothing wrong with that if it was. Sometimes we need to shake things up a bit in order to begin the steps we need to take. =/\=
His words made her bit her lip to stop from laughing. Yavia and Charles were experts shaking things up. =/\=Well, it started off as sort of a spur of the moment long weekend and has turned into a permanent move.=/\= She had to think about how exactly it all happened. The sequence of events. =/\=I was avoiding going back to my quarters. I felt like I lost any progress I made during the day. It was…upsetting isn’t the right word. So I was out walking and I ran into Charles and Yavia. They insisted I eat with them. You told me to try and accept those connections with people even when I don’t want to. It all kind of happened from there.=/\=
Janusz’s head tilted to the side and a small smile played at the corner of his mouth. He wasn’t telepathic. Nor was he an empath. But what he could do better than almost anyone was read people. And the slight lilt in her voice at the names… the unconscious upward tugging at the corner of her lips as she spoke of the meeting… the slightly deeper inhale… and her posture, more upright and forward-facing… all showed as positive effect signs that she felt better. She may not have realized it herself, but he could see it.
=/\= I see… =/\= was all he said for a moment. =/\= Go on. Walk me through it. How a chance encounter led to a move. =/\=
Sharah paused. The finer points of that day in the park were dark, clouded over by the foggy memory of depression. Her gaze was off screen, recalling her memories as she talked. =/\= We were eating, talking…I’m not really sure why I started crying. It was embarrassingly blubbery and loud, and they just hugged me.” Sharah remembered Charles finding her under the trees and he’d kissed her cheek, but hadn’t said a word. She knew that sudden connection, hearing him in the music was part of it. She wasn’t hiding it, but it was special, private and she wanted to keep it that way. At least for now. “Charles suggested that the middle of the park wasn’t the best place and they took me…here.” She made a motion that incorporated the room and the house beyond. “They, well Yavia started it, had a rather serious talk with me, about staying with them until I felt better.” There was so much that had happened in a week.
“They took me back to my apartment and…well you’ve done well checks on people. That’s all they kept thinking, that it was like that. I didn’t recognize it in myself at the time.” She had when she’d gone back today and she was having a hard time with it. “They had me back a bag to take with me. I had a sketches all over the floor and I put some in the recycler.” Korczak was aware of this process, it was one she had used for a long time. “Charles…took them and accused me of hiding things. He was really upset…not at me but the situation.”
“I…It was really difficult to explain about the sketches and what they were and why I kept them secret and was getting rid of them.” She blew out a breath, that memory was hard and it still made her hurt, but whatever she was going to say next was noticeably better. “Charles told me we weren’t going to get rid of them like that. Then he took the papers and ripped them up into tiny pieces and dropped them into some plant pots I had, filled them soils and planted seeds in them. He said that way they helped better things grow. Then we left.=/\=
Korczak’s brows arched slightly in surprise. =/\= That is… well… that seems like that was an incredibly intuitive gesture on his part. Tell me how you felt about that. That using the negatives to grow the positive. And then go on… we’ll talk when you finish. =/\= and then a thought occurred to him. =/\= Charles… would that be a Major General Charles Tenkiller? =/\= he asked with a bit of a smile.
Sharah took a breath to answer his first question and paused. She looked quizzical for a flash of a moment and then her eyes darted off to the right and up. She was very much aware of his presence in the den and her cheeks colored wondering what the man had done now. She looked back at the screen. =/\=That would be him.” She wanted to ask why, but they would talk after so she would have to curb her curiosity for now. “I don’t know the words to put to how I feel about it. I felt seen, I guess. He didn’t tell me it was okay and not to worry about it. They didn’t brush it aside. They actually saw what I struggle with and how I try to cope with it. I felt gratitude, relief, surprise. Certainly all of those, but they don’t encompass everything I felt either.=/\=
=/\=ummm…So we left and eventually came back here.” Sharah continued on for quite awhile. Even just giving the basics took awhile…a lot had happened. She left nothing out, from bringing Hope with her, Charles’ naked run through the trees, her psychic…melt down, to Yavia moving in with him, and the way Yavia kept connecting with her telepathically, like it was strange not to do so. “They both told me, several times, they wanted me to stay here with them. The closer it came to the end of the weekend,…I felt trepidatious, anxious, more than reluctant, I just felt like I couldn’tdo it. I couldn’t go back. I…I like myself here. I feel…more like me.” She brushed a lock of hair out of her face. “Eventually the weekend turned into a week and I just kept avoiding it. I had to go back today, and when I got there, I understood what they had seen. I couldn’t stay there and be healthy. So that’s how I ended up moving.=/\= Sharah didn’t exactly explain the three of them as a unit or her feelings about them, but it was more than obvious how she felt about them the way she talked about Yavia and Charles.
Korczak was silent a moment, just looking at her. And then he asked =/\= Tell me of the… let’s call them ‘living arrangements’. What does that entail? What do they provide you, and what do you feel you are expected to provide to them? =/\=
Several possible responses went through Sharah’s head. Each providing its own nuance to the redness in her cheeks. Of course he would ask that. “Umm…well see…” By the four gods this was worse than the interrogation by the nurses. “So this is my room, I can do whatever I want with it, though I haven’t done anything yet. Yavia has a room across the hall, and Charles has an office upstairs. Those are our private spaces, we don’t go in them unless invited. But we also have a house rule that no matter what room someone is in if the door is closed, they don’t want to be bothered. If the door is open, then company or interruption is okay.” What did they provide, so much…but what did she give in return? Charles had said she was the house masseuse. “Respect. Everything we do is done with respect for ourselves and each other. We listen, we give each other privacy when needed, as long as we aren’t hiding from each other.” She paused, “It applies in a general sense, but I think that one was for me. On the flip side of privacy, company any time, but when we need it as well.=/\=
Korczak looked at her expectantly. He was no fool, and the crimson shade of her cheek was a clear sign she was giving him the highly sanitized version of the ‘arrangement’. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at her and waited, his expression saying more than any words could. I already know, so you may as well just say it.
This had to be the most unfamiliar conversation she had ever had with a counselor. She could count on one hand, and not use every phalange, the number of times she’d talked to a counselor about her romantic life. She felt explaining to her parents would be a cake walk after talking to Korczak, which was backwards. He was giving her that look. The one that always made her feel like she was in the principal’s office - ‘Fess up now or pay the consequences.’ She wasn’t afraid to tell Korczak, and she wasn’t intentionally being vague, Sharah just hadn’t talked to anyone about it yet, outside of themselves. She didn’t count the nurses, mostly she and Yavia had let them talk themselves in circles. =/\=We…uhhh…” share? No share wasn’t quite the right word. It implied that they used it separately or on a rotating basis. She grinned, “We have the same bedroom. So you can add affection, love, acceptance, security to the list of things we provide each other.=/\=
Korczak smiled broadly and leaned back. =/\= There, now… wasn’t so hard, was it. =/\= He gave her an appraising look for a moment and then said =/\= Large emotional swings… usually… are a sign of mania. Going from extreme depression to a romantic pairing… usually… would be a danger sign. But this isn’t ‘usually’, and you are not the same as most others. So I am going to ask you a simple question. I want you to give me your honest answer. Yes or no… just answer, don’t think. =/\= He paused for a long time before he asked:
Sharah knew that, and it was plaguing her. Was she being manic? She was absolutely certain if she was being manic or a danger Yavia and Charles would do something about it.
Uh she hated those questions…don’t think just answer. She nodded.
=/\= Are you where you should be? =/\=
=/\=Yes=/\= should she be jumping into a romantic relationship? She didn’t know, but she had and she loved them. But even without that element, being with them, was where she should be. She had people here that supported her, and cared for her.
=/\= Then that is all you need to remember. =/\= he said and smiled. =/\= Your happiness is yours, Sharah. It is not conditional upon anyone but you. And you have just taken a huge step… you have acknowledged that you are happy. And you are where you should be. Now you have to let yourself be in that, not a hesitant observer. You say you are safe and surrounded by love and support… and I believe you. I mean, the Major General did pull my entire personnel file after all. =/\= and he chuckled. =/\= So allow yourself to be happy. But… advice. This being what you want, and they being whom you want… do not let yourself be hesitant. Something like this… you must be wholly committed. No reservations, and no doubt. If you doubt, you will start to talk yourself out of things. And that isn’t fair to you or them. Also… I would strongly suggest a clear and frank discussion of expectations with all three of you. Perhaps even some couples counseling with someone who has familiarity and experience with multiple partner relationships. =/\=
Sharah’s eyes narrowed and swung back right and up focusing on the occupants of the den. Of course he did. Sharah wasn’t quite sure how she felt about that. She turned her attention back to the screen though. His words were felt deeply, obvious by the fact her expression had changed. =/\=I know. I do, and I’m trying. We’ve had this conversation. Well parts of it. It’s more like an ongoing conversation. I will tell them your suggestion.” She looked down at her hands for a long moment, her posture slumping slightly. “Janusz…I don’t…I went back to my quarters today and I don’t know how I got that way. Life has always been hard, I have always struggled, but I have never been willing to give up. I have wished the noise would stop, I have wished to not be the way I am, but I’ve never wished I didn’t exsist. I’m…ashamed and angry and scared - that I’ll end up like that again, and that’s not fair to them.”
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