Posted March 20, 2023, 2:19 p.m. by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) (James Sinclair)
Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Unpacking More Than Books -
Posted by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) in Unpacking More Than Books -
Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Unpacking More Than Books -
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻(snip)
Karilan smiled a half-smile and said “After the gala. The place is already half closed down for preparations.” and they took a drink. “And I know quiet and boring aren’t the same… and I do like quiet. I just.. I don’t know, Eela. I feel…” and they paused for a long moment staring at their soup. They looked up and said “I feel like for so long I have been content to just sit back and observe life. And now, and I am completely laying the blame for this at your feet-” and they grinned, “- I feel like I am missing out on… on… on EVERYTHING. And it is just making me feel a little… smaller… than I even felt before.”
Karilan
She set her fork down and reached out a hand, taking theirs. “I’ve been blamed for far worse,” Eela said seriously, though there was a gleam in her eyes. “And I’m going through a process of what I’m dubbing in my mind as Calling Back the Pieces of Myself. Over the years we have different experiences, we become different people depending on our work and the people around us. Sometimes we move past them out of necessity, but other times they slip through our fingers. But these pieces are all of us. And when we pull them back to us, we open up our view on what our lives can be, what we can be. Maybe you need to call back some of the pieces of yourself you’ve left behind, allow them to propel you into new things. And if nothing else, maybe you and I can just go try stuff and see what’s interesting. Goodness knows this colony has something for everyone.”
~Eela
Karilan looked at Eela for a long moment and then said “I… I wish I was as confident as you are. I think that is what I admire most about you, Eela. Anyone else I have ever known would be curled up in a ball in their room. Yet here you are… out. Eating lunch. Trying to help me.” and they laughed. “You, my dear Eela, are simply amazing. And no, you are not allowed to disagree. I am an Engineer. I know amazing when I see it.” and they raised their glass to her. “To life… and to liberation from the past. The day is new, and we deserve all of its possibilities!”
Karilan
“Oh, I’ll drink to that!” she said with a laugh, lifting her glass in turn and taking a sip of her kava juice before delving into her dish again with small bites. It was certainly delicious but she still had little in the way of appetite.
‘You know, there are advantages to getting older,” Eela said. “I’ve lived quite a bit of life already, Karilan, and I’m not yet middle aged for a Haliian. Now, I will admit that I was fairly self-assured as a child and I never quite lost that, but I’ve also had some tremendously painful moments. I made it through those and so history tells me I can make it through this one too. It doesn’t make it easier, mind you.”
~Eela
“As my Warp Theory professor at the Academy said: ‘Easy is for the weak. If this was easy, all of you would be wearing Command red.’” and they smiled at her and chuckled. “But knowing you as I do… I have no doubt that this will not derail you. And it hasn’t. You will come through this even stronger, I think.”
Karilan
Eela smiled as she picked up her fork and ate another bite of her dish. “Derail? No. But like anything life changing it can drop you to your knees for a time.”
She gazed at Karilan intently for a moment. “I’m curious about something… if your Aunt hadn’t died and you hadn’t inherited her book collection, do you think you’d still be in Starfleet?”
~Eela
Karilan stopped eating and thought for a long moment. “Well… I really want to say no; but I think that would be me lying to myself. Star Fleet had always been a goal… but once I made it into the fleet I have to say I was not a fan of the utter regimentation. I loved the work… but all the rest was irritating at times. But back then, I would never have considered not being in Star Fleet. When I went to the Daystrom Institute, I think I 3as trying to find a balance between the pure application of learning I received at the Academy and the desire to do more… creative… expressions of myself.” and they laughed. “So in short, I probably would have stayed if she had not passed. But I learned with her passing that life is too short to not do.”
Karilan
Eela nodded. “I can understand that. It’s not unlike when I turned down being promoted after my accident. Yes, I could have stayed in uniform, and yes I agree that I could have made a great member of the brass. But when it came to Starfleet I knew that first day I sat down in as a captain in that centre seat that that is where I was meant to be while I was in uniform.” She gestured with her fork. “Don’t think the irony of my becoming an administrator here is lost on me.”
“Its not lost anyone that knows you, Eela.” they said with a grin.
“I was just thinking of your love for finding creative engineering solutions, like for making my nook accessible. You know, there’s definitely a place around here for a lot more of that,” Eela said.
~Eela
Karilan shrugged and said “One would think. But between the Star Fleet Engineers looking at me like I betrayed them somehow by leaving the uniform and the civilian sector just wanting to say ‘We have a Daystrom Awardee on staff’, I have been hard pressed to find an outlet that would just let me create. But I am not giving up. My best friend once said to me: Maybe I need to call back some of the pieces of myself I’ve left behind, allow them to propel me into new things.” and they grinned.
Karilan
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