Posted May 23, 2023, 5:33 p.m. by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) (James Sinclair)
Posted by Civilian Rafael Torres (Resident) in The Quill & Parchment- Second Chances
Posted by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) in The Quill & Parchment- Second Chances
Posted by Civilian Rafael Torres (Resident) in The Quill & Parchment- Second Chances
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻(snip)
The slider arrived and the door opened. Massat sat inside in jeans and a nice blouse with a subtle floral pattern. As Torres sat down, she said “So simple, home cooked fare. Done.” and the slaider began to move. Karilan regarded him for a long moment and then said “So tell me where your head is at right now.”
Karilan
Outside of rehab and therapy, Raf wasn’t used to being open, to being vulnerable. That sort of crap could get you killed. But that was his old life, and he was having to remind himself that if he truly wanted things to change in a positive way, he would need to start with his own frame of mind. “Wary, but hopeful,” he said, turning his gaze on this every morphing person. “It’s hard for me to trust strangers. It used to be dangerous. Still could be. But when you’re out of options and you want something different, well, sometimes you need to take the risk, right?”
~Rafael Torres
Karilan shrugged as she looked out the window. “Strangers with candy is a cautionary tale in many cultures.” she said quietly before turning to look at him directly. “But those offers tend to be couched in terms of you get what you want with no conditions. You do have conditions.” She looked back out the window and then took a deep breath. “It is hard to trust when you have had not reason to. It is even harder to do so when you have no basis for offering that trust.” She looked back at him. “I know of what I speak. But I also know that the greatest return one can get is from that act of trusting without cause.” She regarded him for a moment and then said “I am glad you made that choice. I think it will be one of the best choices you have made.”
Karilan
The barest hint of a smirk appeared on his face and a tiny speck of light touched Raf’s eyes.”Well, I’ve certainly made enough terrible ones that it feels like time to try something new. I just…” He paused and looked out over the city as they moved along. When he looked at Karilan again, he was pensive. “I have to be careful. One of the things they teach you in rehab is that it’s easy to flip entirely the other way, to go from all bad to all good. It’s just trading one obsession, one compulsion, with another. Balance is the goal. I’ve been clean and sober for 258 days. It’s the longest stint I’ve had in years. I know it might seem like I’m being pessimistic from the outside, but really not throwing myself full bore into whatever this life here might be is probably the most sane and healthy thing I’ve done in my entire life, Mx. Massat. I’m taking that win, but I’m not going to go out and celebrate just yet.”
~Rafael Torres
“Karilan. That is my name. If you feel the need to use my last name, just go with whatever clothes I’m wearing for prefix. And I really don’t care either way.” She regarded him a moment and then said “You are right, of course. It is good to cautious. And if you feel like you are slipping one way or another, let me know. I will do what I can to help.” She looked out the window and said “What was your drug of choice, if I may be so bold?”
Karilan
“Depended on the year I suppose,” Raf said. “But the last couple stints were due to something new that from what I understand someone in the Orion Syndicate picked up from a non-affiliated planet. Called arosh. Such a pretty blue colour that you don’t think it’s going to mess you up so badly,” he said with a snort. “And if I was feeling particularly self punishing, there was often alcohol. Have to keep away from the whole lot of it. But, uh, given that I barely survived overdosing last year, I’m a bit more motivated to try.” He said it lightly, like it was just a detail, and some times it felt that way. It was a moment- a life changing one- but still just a moment in time.
~Rafael Torres
Karilan nodded in understanding. “I am familiar with the latter, the former not so much. But know this.” and she locked eyes with him with a gaze that had once held a Starship Captain in check when they were about to dismiss what she was saying. “If you ever get that desire… that need… to indulge; I want you to call me immediately. I do not care the time or the cause or the circumstance. I am no… what are they called again… oh yes, ‘sponsor’… but I can be a tool for you to use if you need it. I want you to succeed, Mr. Torres. It is important to me because it is important to your friend. And hopefully, as we get to know one another better, it will become important to me because you are my friend. You have a gift, Mr. Torres. I want to see you use it for your own success.”
Karilan
Had those words come from anyone else, at any other time, in any other place, Rafael Torres would have laughed and called BS. And while a part of him really did want to dismiss the assertion that he had a gift, he also knew that the first time he worked on a ship something had shifted. He didn’t know how to explain it or even what it was, but he knew he could not dismiss Karilan’s claim. “I appreciate your support and I promise I will call you.” To have that lifeline was so important, and so he was utterly sincere.
“I did a lot to stupid stuff and I have a lot of regrets, but the thing I regret the most was dragging Dash into my crap. He had enough going on back then. But I guess that’s why we bonded. No one understood what we were going through but us. Or at least it seemed that way at the time.” His gaze intensified. “I admire the hell out of him. He went and really did something with his life. No excuses. I’m still trying to do that. It’s a bit of a muddle some days though, not gonna lie.”
~Rafael Torres
Karilan was silent a moment and then looked at him directly and said “Ok, cards on the table. And I want an honest answer. Do you think the way you handled Dash in all of this was fair to him? And I’m not asking to to attack… I just want to know how you view your last interaction.”
Karilan
Torres inhaled deeply and then blew out a breath. “I think it’s a mixed bag, Karilan, just like life. Did I ask too much of him? Maybe. Maybe I did. And… all cards on the table, I got frustrated. I didn’t mean to put all the blame on him, because I’m responsible for my own sh!t, but the flip side is that someone within the system decided that he was worth leniency and a chance. I was not. I know our situations were slightly different, but only slightly. The only reason Dash got to even have the chance for the life he has now is sheer luck of the draw. Did he make the right call that night? Yeah, as hard as it is to admit, he did. But even doing the right thing has consequences for others, and those consequences don’t always play out evenly or fairly.” He shrugged. “But that’s life and the thing people don’t like to talk about.”
~Rafael Torres
Karilan looked at him and leaned forward. “So I know his side of what happened. Tell me yours. All of it. Because truth isn’t a single perspective. It exists between them. So tell me why what he did was the right thing… but you still resent it, at least a little.”
Karilan
Raf shook his head. “This isn’t about you, but we only just met and that is not a story you casually tell cruising over a colony. on our way to dinner.” It had been hard enough to share what he already had, and even though many years had passed since that one terrible night, it had stuck with him. He’d never get that image out of his head. True, he never got into trouble with the law again, but his life spiralled afterwards in terrible ways. It was different now, but the line felt exceedingly thin at time.
~Rafael Torres
“Fine.” Karilan said as the slider slowed and stopped. “You can tell me while we eat.” The door opened and Karilan stepped out.
They were stopped in front of a small restaurant nestled between storefronts on either said and stretching down the block. The shops were mostly closed at that hour, but the window to the restaurant was light brightly from inside. Gold letters on the window read ‘McMurtry’s Public House’. Karilan walked to the door and led Torres inside.
The inside was a traditional Irish pub-looking establishment. People milled around tall tables, sat at the bar, or spoke softly inside plush booths. Karilan looked at Torres and said “And no, I am not a heartless moron taking you to a bar. Nothing they serve here has alcohol in it. It’s a bar for sober people; and they have great food.” She led him back into the bar and to a booth where she slid in and took a seat.
Karilan
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