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Dasca's Apartment- Truths Laid Bare

Posted June 6, 2023, 12:51 p.m. by Lieutenant Tandra Mika (Chief Mental Health Officer) (Lucas Foxley)

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- Truths Laid Bare

Posted by Lieutenant Tandra Mika (Chief Mental Health Officer) in Dasca’s Apartment- Truths Laid Bare

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- Truths Laid Bare
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“And it will take a while, and that’s okay. Internalizing all that negativity didn’t happen over night and it takes work and time to break those thought patterns once they’ve formed.” Mika paused for a minute, both to let that thought sit, and to phrase her next thoughts.

Everyone kept telling her it wasn’t her fault and her brain understood that. Rationally, of course it wasn’t. But the rest of her kept flip-flopping. It was annoying, but she also knew that this was a part of the process.

“These kinds of people… They’re usually very good at making big problems look like smaller problems, ‘rug sweeping’ things that actually are important. Oftentimes they delude themselves into thinking they are right to do things the way they do.”

~ Mika, CNS

Eela inhaled deeply. “Sometimes it’s the hard part of having a therapeutic background. I can look at people’s behaviour and understand it a bit better than others might, but it’s also easy to ignore or excuse parts of it had how it impacted me. The thing is that I know Cory wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. He might be now, he might have been shocked into some sort of realization but I’ll never know and I don’t want to.” She could feel a tightness in her chest that she had to pause and breath through. “And I also know that he will have some version of the story that makes him look like the victim, and me the evil b!tch seeking to ruin his reputation.” She laughed bitterly. “And the thing is there will always be people willing to listen and believe him.” It shouldn’t bother her, but it did. Greatly.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“Understanding it from a counselor’s perspective is different from processing it for yourself, yes. Personally, I don’t think a background in mental health work really helps us process the events of our own lives. We still need someone else to guide us through the process, we still need time to process our emotions the same as anyone else.” Mika said thoughtfully. She waited patiently for Eela to breathe until she was ready to go on.

“In time it may not matter as much to you who believes him and who doesn’t. Right now I understand that’s hard, but as you know, it’s not something you can control. Let’s focus instead on something more positive, something we can control.” Mika paused for a second and then asked, “Now that you’ve been able to acknowledge all this a little more openly, how do you see things changing for the better?”

~ Mika, CNS

Eela picked up the pitcher of water and poured herself a glass, taking a sip while she gathered her thoughts. “The things is that I’ve already been doing a lot of self-work since I came here. But these revelations with Cory make me glad that I have been cautious and moving slower for the most part when it comes to intimacy with others. I know it would be easy to get lost in someone again, and I don’t want that. And at the same time, I’ve realized how many things about myself I gave up in the name of making my marriage work, or keeping the peace. And I want them back, Tandra. I miss those things. And the one major one I’m very well into reclaiming is building connections with people. I have extraordinary people in my life that I could not have had before I came to Oed. It makes the few other connections I have remaining from before that much more special.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“Okay, so you’re making some new connections here. That’s great! What makes your new connections different from the old ones? What makes the old ones special?” Eela had said it a major thing to reclaim, so Mika decided to explore it a little bit before moving on to other things she could work on reclaiming.

~ Mika, CNS

She drew in a long breath, letting her lungs fill fully before she expelled it gently. “The old ones that remain strong are Roger and my daughter, Caridee. Both are an integral part of my life. They’ve been through everything with me and aren’t sacred off by the darker parts of me, or the ones that were more difficult early in my recovery after my accident, with one exception. They accept me as I am, whatever that looks like.”

“With one exception?” Mika asked. “If you’re comfortable, do you want to tell me about that?”

Eela smiled but it was more than that- it came from deep within, lighting up her eyes. “And the connections now? They are varied and beautiful, each in their own way. Some are unexpectedly deep. I have a dear new friend, Karilan, that is Deltan and we understand the core of each other’s being in a way that a non-psi-positive person can’t. They intuitively understand my need for touch and embrace that and offer it. And I have another deeply special friendship with someone I work with that makes going through my days as Lieutenant Governor not just bearable but something to look forward.” She leaned forward. “Those that aren’t in the thick of the work that I and the Governor do don’t fully understand the weight. But sharing that burden makes it easier, even it if means jokes about our untimely demise,” she said with a laugh, even though some days it did terrify her.

“And the other friends? We’re just getting to know each other better but we’ve claimed each other as family, and until someone used that definition for us I didn’t realize how much I had missed that feeling from my time in Starfleet. I’ve missed feeling connected to something bigger than myself. The stars held such mystery and joy for me, but now the roots I’ve put down here are the most precious thing I’ve cultivated. And when I’m in doubt, I just come out here,” she said, gesturing to the thriving plant life all around them.

~Eela

Mika smiled too and nodded. “It sounds like you’re doing a lot better. It’s good to have other people, and things, around you to go to when you need it. I know you probably know this, but, you also can’t base all your happiness and identity on other people. So, you said you gave up a lot of things to keep the peace, that you miss them. What else did you give up?”

~ Mika, CNS


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