Posted Nov. 27, 2023, 5:17 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) (Jennifer Ward)
Posted by Civilian Kenzo B’tren-Hyrushi (Governor) in Governor’s Home - TMODJ (PRISM)
Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Governor’s Home - TMODJ (PRISM)
Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Governor’s Home - TMODJ (PRISM)
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻
She pulled air into her lungs and all but sighed it out. Words. She could describe the what it was like to not feel anything but there was something more that was hard to express. “When Ren Mathis called me this morning looking for Dash so he could help the Ambassador, I could think through the logical steps that would follow. The practical nature of the issue. It wasn’t until later, well after Ren called me back and told me he was dead that I realized I wasn’t picking up anything, let alone feeling anything. At that moment I wasn’t even acting practical either. I don’t who that person is, who this person is before you, but it doesn’t…” She gave a tiny shake of her head, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. When she opened them again, their usual depth and light was still missing. “I can think to myself that this situation is terrible, tragic. But I can’t feel anything about it, Sharah. Maybe if I was Vulcan and able to suppress my emotions it would be out of the ordinary, but I’m not and I can’t, and it’s like I’ve slipped into some void where nothing is real and it’s all just playing out around me and I’m just watching.”
“Well given your neurotransmitter levels and your amygdala, I’m not surprised. I want you to think back. Were you feeling, sensing everything normally at the Gala the night before last?” Sharah needed to recreate the twenty-four hours or so of what Eela had done and been through. She was showing signs of high unmanageable stress. The Gala with the Vren could certainly cause that, but so could the news of Dash’s death. The Gala, being the last real big event the last few days (that Sharah knew of) was a good place to start.
She nodded. “The gala felt normal. I kept my mental shields up quite a bit and I wore gloves, not just because of the Vren, but also to avoid unwanted contact that I’d have to filter. It left me more aware of the details happening around me. It was a good night and I went home feeling optimistic. Yesterday was… lovely. Caridee and Kian met me downstairs in our building at the pool with Alais and we went swimming. I did a bit of work in the afternoon and then Dash came over for dinner. We had a… wonderful night. Something was bothering him though and he said he’d tell me today because he didn’t want to ruin our evening. We had made plans to have lunch. I’m not sure what else to say,” she said, and though she wasn’t projecting emotions, there was the slight hint that she was underselling some aspect of her recollection. Which part though, was hard to say.
“You need to be more specific Eela. Very detailed. Even something minor could help us figure out what and why this is happening. If it is very personal, we can talk in private.” Sharah knew Eela well enough to know she wasn’t telling everything, and they couldn’t help her if she withheld.
Caridee moved around to the back of the couch and rested a hand on her mother’s shoulder. “I’m your daughter. I get that you can’t share everything with me, nor should you. Please talk to them. I’m going to go for a walk,” she said, gesturing to the expanse of serene Japanese garden outside the windows. She moved off and stepped out into the gardens, giving her mother space and also herself a chance to clear her head. It was hard seeing someone you cared about in such distress even if the emotionality of that distress was not available.
Eela laid there and closed her eyes. She wanted to hide under the blanket and from everything. Could she even explain it all. Four words. Four words she could say that would give them information, but it wouldn’t mean anything to Kenzo and Sharah. They weren’t Haliian. “I don’t know how,” she whispered.
“Do you have any idea what was bothering him?” Kenzo asked. “Could that… concern… be part of what is bothering you?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. Other than adding to a list of unusual and sometimes disturbing events as of late, I don’t think so?”
Eela could feel every muscle in her body weighed down and it wasn’t just the blanket, nor did the surface of her skin register that weight. It was something much deeper. If she could have teared up ad even cried, she would have in this moment. Her skin. That couldn’t feel the same way. Skin that felt every exquisite touch. She could remember every moment of last night as if it had been imprinted into her body, her mind, her spirit. That feeling that was so special, that no longer existed. “It’s gone…” she whispered at last. It wasn’t enough. No words could be.
Eela shifted her gaze to Kenzo. She wasn’t embarrassed by talking about intimacy, though it was a bit jarring to do so here in this context. “Do you remember when told you about the crystal that Haliians can use to amplify their telepathy? I… I used it with Dash last night. It’s the first time I’ve done so with anyone since well before my accident.” She could almost float on those beautiful sensations if she could just access them. “I can’t just share my mind with others without touch, and the canar makes everything… more. It allows non-telepaths to experience what I experience too, and it is always profound, even if it’s not in a romantic context. But I’m not someone who ever used it casually. It was too hard being in Starfleet and having to navigate the sometimes awkward complexities that came with interspecies interactions. But I think something about Dash told me it would be okay, we would be safe with each other. I trusted him.” She trusted him not to shun her the way she had experienced with Cory those last years, leaving her adrift and disconnected.” And now he’s gone.”
Sharah nodded, “You were psychically and spiritually connected when he died. That certainly explains your readings. Rest now Eela.” She stood up and looked at Hyrushi. “I’m going to talk to Caridee.” She moved to the door and called the other woman back indicating they needed to speak in private.
Eela was always so private about her relationships and it was always with mindful discretion that she shared anything with someone outside of that relationship. She knew telling them about the canar was important, but she didn’t quite understand the connection. Or was it her lack of emotions that made it harder to see?
Caridee moved back swiftly towards the apartment at the sound of her name. “Anything?” she asked hopefully.
~Eela & Caridee
Sharah sighed, she knew exactly what Eela was going through. Well, almost. Sharah hadn’t been connected to a lover, a partner, but someone she had loved and been deeply connected to when she died violently. It had put Sharah in a coma. She had only been 5 at the time, but the memories still gave her nightmares sometimes. “Your mother used the canar with Dashial Jones last night. Though they were no longer using the Canar and he had gone home, they were still linked when he died.”
Caridee processed this information and then nodded, realization dawning in her eyes. “The canar causes both psilosynine and oxytocin to spike quite high during its use, and that peak can remain for a good couple of hours after it’s disconnected. Then everything fades from there.” She glanced through the glass into the living room at the sofa where her mother was living in an emotional void. “It’s not something I’ve ever heard of being attached to Kuskaaritz but it does make a lot of sense. Yes, it’s emotional, but it’s a physical severing of something woven through her body.” Drawing in a deep breath, she nodded, more to herself than anything. “I don’t know exactly how we make this better, but many minds are better than one right now. And hopefully Healer Lagald will have deeper insight that will help us.”
“Those deep psychic connections are just as strong or stronger than physical ones. And given her levels of psilosynine and oxytocin are still very high, it was a very deep and very strong connection. She’s lost a part of herself when he died.” Poor Eela, Sharah’s heart broke for the woman.
Meanwhile, Eela had pondered trying to sit up since sleep was not something her mind wanted to do. In all honesty, she feared whatever emotionless dreams might surface. She looked at Kenzo. “You know-” And then she just stopped talking, gazing blankly ahead. The PADD on the table that Caridee and Sharah were using beeped an alert.
~Caridee & Eela
Kenzo looked at her and knew she was experiencing a dissociation. He turned and walked out to the patio. “She is having an episode.” he said calmly as he turned and walked back in, taking a seat next to her on the couch. He rested a hand on her arm and simply waited.
Sharah turned and went back inside picking up her tricorder and scanning it over her as she sat down in front of Eela. She watched the readings. These were harmless unless something more went wrong, and at the moment that was all she was focusing on. “Caridee would it help for me to put in an emergency request to Healer Lagald?”
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