STF

Iven's Office- Trauma Doesn't Keep to a Schedule

Posted Feb. 25, 2024, 8:48 p.m. by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) (Lindsay B)

Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Counselor) in Iven’s Office- Trauma Doesn’t Keep to a Schedule

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Iven’s Office- Trauma Doesn’t Keep to a Schedule

Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Counselor) in Iven’s Office- Trauma Doesn’t Keep to a Schedule
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snips)

Eela let his words wash over her in the hopes that she could accept them as true. She could, to a degree, but that sensation of being alone in her own body and mind was still so strong even though she was experiencing quite the opposite right now. But there was more to it than that and it was hard to wrap her mind around. “I know they are, and I’m grateful for each and every one of them.” That was very true. She turned her head to look at Karilan still besides her and smiled, glad for more than just their presence.

When Eela looked back at Iven and sighed. “I’m fighting the past right now, Séan. Things that were true before, and might or might not be true still. Much has changed in my life, but not everything. These are the things I’m still struggling with. They complicate how I act with others, how I’m going to proceed with all this.” He might have access to her medical record, but she wasn’t going to assume he had time before this call to look at any of it given that they had just met a few days ago. “My body remembers things intensely. It’s a part of being a touch telepath and a part of being just who I am. I’m very in my body and it a wonderful thing most of the time. But after my ship was destroyed it’s become something I loathe.” She leaned forward slightly, her hazel eyes intense. “An explosion threw me against the edge of a door, shattered three vertebrae and resulted in a life threatening head injury. Even though it’s been eight years since the accident, I still wake up some days surprised I’m still alive. Especially after losing a third of my crew. I didn’t even know that until I woke up from a coma ten weeks later. My recovery was very difficult and I still have to have physio regularly to maintain my body. But the brain injury was the hardest part. I could focus on learning to walk again as a goal, but I couldn’t change how my brain was wired now. And it’s affected everything.” She suddenly wasn’t even sure where she was going with this all and slumped back against her pillows with a sigh. “Remember when we met in the courtyard? I said that I was thrilled to have my daughter here but that it was going to being up some difficult things we had to deal with? That is still true. The reality was that I was married to a emotionally abusive narcissist for forty years, and right now when there is so much energy focused on me, it feels just like those early days in my recovery when I was an uncertainty for everyone around. My moods were volatile and my needs complex. I had very little control over any of it, and at times it pushed people away. What you are telling me is very true and yet deep down I am resisting it because a part me still can’t believe I’m worth all the fuss. I know that is Cory’s influence, that I’ve been so used to interactions being transactional. I can’t accept from others without feeling an immediate need to give something of myself to make sure it’s even, that I’m not being greedy. Intellectually I can see this at play, but the feelings in my body make me want to run away where I won’t be a burden to anyone.” It took her a moment to realize there was a trail of moisture on her cheeks and she wiped the tears away as she subtly shrunk within herself.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan listened attentively, recognizing the layers of pain and self-doubt that Eela was navigating. Her journey through trauma and the lingering effects on her mental and emotional well-being were evident. He spoke with a gentle understanding, wanting to offer support without overwhelming her.

“Eela, it’s clear that you’ve faced immense challenges, both physically and emotionally. The past can cast a long shadow, and it takes time and patience to navigate through it. It’s okay to acknowledge the complexities of your feelings and to feel the weight of your experiences. The narrative we tell ourselves can often be shaped by past relationships, but it’s important to recognize that you are worthy of care and support just as you are, without feeling the need to ‘even the score’ or fear being a burden.”

He leaned forward slightly, maintaining a comforting gaze. “You’ve built a life where you’re valued, not just for what you can give but for who you are. Accepting support doesn’t diminish your strength; in fact, it can enhance it. Vulnerability is a courageous act, and you’re not alone in this journey. We’ll work together to explore these feelings and find ways to navigate the challenges ahead. Your well-being is a priority.”

Counselor Iven

Eela nodded. “And just know that I am grateful. I know I have a terrible temper and can get frustrated, but just know it’s never about you.” She knew he knew that, but she wanted to be upfront. Her temper was one of those things she worked very hard to control and was not always successful.

She filled her lungs to their limit and then let out the breath slowly. “Dash was very special to me,” she all but whispered. “He is… was the first person I’ve dated since my divorce. And being Lieutenant Governor means that no matter how much I want to have a private life, there are limits on how much privacy I can expect. Dash understood this perfectly, and his work with Ambassador Mathis gave him a very clear understanding of how he needed to act in public. We never had to hash that out, and I was grateful for it. It left us time and space to get to know each other.” She smirked, her eyes lighting up. “And he was a shameless flirt too.” The smile faded. “I can still feel the sensation of his hands on my skin. I just want to close my eyes and be there with him again, but I also know that in mind is the terrible way he died, and so I’m torn. Do I remember, or do I let it go so I can have some peace eventually.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan maintained a compassionate expression, understanding the depth of Eela’s emotions. He spoke softly, offering a space for her to express herself.

“It’s completely natural to feel torn between those memories, Eela. Grieving is a complex process, and it often involves navigating through the bittersweet aspects of the past. Those moments of joy and connection are precious, and it’s okay to hold onto them. At the same time, acknowledging the pain and loss is part of the healing journey. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and it’s a deeply personal process.”

He paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “If you ever feel overwhelmed by the memories or the pain becomes too much, it might be helpful to talk about it. Whether it’s with me or someone else you trust, sharing your feelings can be a powerful way to lighten the burden. And remember, it’s okay to seek support and take the time you need. You’re not alone in this.”

Counselor Iven

It was the mantra for the day, wasn’t it? Eela nodded. The reality was that there was only so much the could deal with right now, especially given that she was still recovering from the Kuskaaritz . “You know, in some ways I’m actually grateful all this shit with Cory went down recently. While that’s been hard, and so this now, I’m already working through a lot of stuff and so my mind is in that space of processing. And I already have a much clearer support system than I did before.”

She paused and considered where everything was at right now. was she overwhelmed? Yes, but not in the same way. She was just so tired. “How do you want to proceed from here? I am tired and I don’t think going over anything more right now will help, but I also know that if we wait too long to talk again, I’ll have too much to process. I honestly don’t know what the next couple days will look like other than I won’t be in the office tomorrow.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.


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